The SVB is a near GENIUS! Or "Gifted"...

Recently I was reading about the "16 smartest people on earth" - well, if you count IQ tests as a good barometer of "smart" - and I was fascinated by them and what they did for a living. While growing up, I heard a lot about IQs and smart people, something no one ever confused me for, as I had a very smart sister. I think my parents were more concerned with why I couldn't say the alphabet as a five-year old, or questioning whether I had a high fever as a baby or been dropped on my head (repeatedly), rather than having any concern with me taking an IQ test.

Since I have oodles of time on my hands, I decided to finally take an IQ test. This would only interfere with my cartoon watching for 30 minutes or so, so I went for it! What I found was startling. Not only am I top percentile handsome, but I'm also "gifted"! Not my words, I prefer "waaaaaay smarter than you", but I'll take it! Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. That's why I'm writing about it. To brag, of course.

Look at the chart below for a clear view of where I rank amongst the world.

Hell, I'm only 10 points away from genius!!! Eat that, Tiger Mom!!!! Although I will never tell her about this score. This will only infuriate her more while giving her more fuel and venom to spew on how I've wasted my life. I'm also certain she would say something like, "see??? I always knew you were smart." Which would imply that she thought I was dumb, which is highly likely. I'm sorry, Ma, that I didn't use my smarts to become a doctor, engineer, programmer, teacher, or business owner, and I chose instead to write a blog for people for free (I did write a book though!). It's more creative and rewarding for someone of my "gifted" abilities. Plus, why do I need those jobs when I can recycle cans for money?

On top of that, she would probably find out that the lowest IQ of the top 16 smartest people was 169, which would make her question why I hadn't achieved that score. I've worked hard to lower her expectations of me, and I'm not about to ruin it now by telling her this newfound revelation!

Did you know there are high IQ clubs? I wonder if my score will grant me admission. What do people talk about in high IQ clubs!?!? If they talk about chromosomes, space travel, string theory, or philosophy, I wonder if they will object if I try and change the subject to obscure movie quotes from "Dumb and Dumber" or any other movie I've ever seen? Being smart is sexy, don't you think? Yeah, I think so.

Another great thing about this is now when I talk to people and I think to myself that the person is an idiot, I can now also think about how their IQ must be much lower than mine. In fact, I'll interrupt the person to blurt out, "what's your IQ? Yup. Just as I thought." This will give me a good chuckle as I live out my years, lonely and friendless.

Kevin L.
The "Gifted" Silicon Valley Bachelor, (close to genius level, but who's counting?)

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