A Review on 12Society: What's in the Box?!?

I apologize for not posting over the last few weeks, as I've been busy finishing up my book "Berating Others On Your Way to a Lifetime of Happiness: That, And Dating Around the World". I've spent most of my time editing and writing new, racier articles for the book, which I hope to finish in the next week or so. If you can tell by the title, it is a book about macroeconomic conditions in third world countries in a bear market. It should be a scintillating read, which I hope gets turned into a film featuring Sandra Bullock and a young, urban, black male playing football.

Recently, I got a box in the mail from 12Society, a new company that sends you 4 - 6 hand-picked "best of" male society items for $39. They guarantee that the items are worth over $125. There's a few companies out there that do this, sending you "cool" items each month, or quarterly, but 12Society has a twist. These 4 - 6 items are chosen by their "co-founders", Tim Lincecum, Blake Griffin, Nas, Nick Cannon, Kevin Love, and Michael Strahan. They have dubbed themselves the "taste-makers" of our culture.

I'm going to pause there for dramatic effect.

I'm not a hater, (hell, I signed up for this first box), but I would say it might be better to call them the "taste-perpetuators" or "people of note". After watching a few episodes of Shark Tank, I'm guessing these co-founders don't do much coding or product design, but have been given anywhere from 1 - 2% of the company - JUST for their namesake and the people they can reach. To loosely quote any one of the "Sharks", 1 - 2% of a company making nothing is still nothing. Why not give 1 - 2% of the company and take this company from nothing, to having a few million followers already? These are people with tremendous Twitter followers and occupy society in different mediums.

Here is a picture of potential items that they posted on their website before the first box even went out.

Looks awesome, doesn't it? Here is what I actually got:

False advertisement?!? Class action worthy? I'm sure I checked some Terms of Service box, that no one ever reads, that protects them from something like that. I would've been happy with any ONE of the items in the first picture, but let's go down the list of what I got, along with who supposedly chose each item.

- Incase Reflex Headphones - Tim Lincecum. The best item in the box, if you're into headphones. Retail: $79.95
- RumbaTime Vandam Watch - Nas. Perfect for that special night out doing ecstasy at EDC. One issue? Seems everyone got the small size. Retail: $16
- Griffin iPhone Case (2) Outfit Ice: Series 2 - Blake Griffin. Seems a lot of people got sent this, even though they marked they had an Android phone, which is what I have. Retail: $19.99 x 2 = $39.98
- Griffin iPhone Screen Protector - Blake Griffin. Too bad it doesn't fit my Android phone. Retail: $14.99
- American Crew Military Moisturizing Shave Cream - Nick Cannon. I grow about eight whiskers on my chin and about 13 above my lip. Maybe I can just use this as lotion. Retail: $9.95
- American Crew Military Post-Shave Cooling Lotion - Nick Cannon. Retail: $9.95
- Mangroomer: The Essential Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer - Michael Strahan. It would be sad if I had a problem with nose and ear hair, but not facial hair. I would just like to grow a goatee ONCE!!! Retail: $14.99
- Tapatio - Kevin Love. Really? I'm hoping that the "founders" thought that too much had already been included in the box and that Kevin Love gets to have the best item next time, because that is just sad. Retail: $3.50

All of this equates to a grand total of $189.31! Which means, we got $150.31 over what we paid. I did that last amount of math in my head. Thank you very much. I kind of blacked out during the calculations, but I'm sure the Rajun Cajun James Carville will have no rebuttal.

So, I normally don't write about product reviews, since I prefer to mostly write about my exploits and muscle definition, but I felt compelled as a "bachelor" blogger to break this down for you. Also, I'm not prone to impulse buys, unless we're talking about "last call" at the bar or when asked my name at a strip club, but this "secret" box had all the makings of a once-a-month christmas-like present for guys in the "high-society" - like myself. While 12Society's marketing and PR buzz was nearly spotless - celeb spokesmen, pent-up demand, delayed shipping dates, endless curiosity, "sold-out" (but still available "white" box) - I didn't find any of the items to have that "cool" factor. Not one of them gets me excited - not even a semi-chub.

Doesn't everyone already own something like what came in the box? I'm never going to wear that watch, I don't have an iPhone, I have Tapatio in my fridge - as does every Mexican restaurant in America, I have headphones, and a trimmer.... I'm seriously thinking about returning this box, but will probably just end up re-gifting them at some point.

Finally, I got a kick out of each celebrity talking about why they picked the product that they did. (What was left unsaid was, I'm sure the companies worked out an agreement to eat most of the cost to be associated with the box. Or, as with the Rumba watch, they probably had excess amounts of size small watches.) While every celeb gave some unique insight into their lives or of the product, Nick Cannon spent the majority of two paragraphs talking about how awesome he is.

I don't know his height, but can anyone say Napolean complex? Really successful people don't have to tell other people about how great they are. We get it. You're more than Mr. Mariah Carey. I seriously loved Drumline way more than Glitter. Here are the other intros:

"Having gone to UCLA and spending my off-seasons in LA, I love the incredible southern California weather, and the delicious Mexican food. That's why...." - Kevin Love

"Time is money. That's the universal truth that I live by...." - Nas

"When I get to an intense moment on the mound, I tune it all out...." Tim Lincecum

"Ever since my early years in pop-warner football, my coaches have always drilled into my head that success is a product of preparation." - Michael Strahan

Here is Nick Cannon's FIRST paragraph:

"I wear many hats; actor, director, dj, musician, author, producer, tv host... you name it, I do it! I'm the youngest network chairman ever in television history, and I'm also a husband and father. With all these jobs, come vast responsibilities. Cameras seem to follow me everywhere and it requires me to be on top of my game at all times." - Nick Cannon

That's just the first paragraph. I actually chose Nick Cannon as the guy I dress most like, or WANT to dress most like in their "options" bio, but his intro is a desperate, insecure cry for help. Nobody else started out with, "I'm an NBA rebounding champ, I'm a multi-platinum selling artist, I have two Cy Young Awards and a World Series ring, I'm a Super Bowl winner and record-holder for sacks in a season...." For me, it would be, "I'm a champion 12 hour-a-night sleeper, 3rd place Science Fair finisher in 5th grade, and one-time minimum wage earner - currently unemployed, that's why I chose an application form for everyone to apply for food stamps! Yay! Enjoy."

Well, this box did provide some eager anticipation and some comic relief. Thanks, Nick Cannon. I will have to wait for the next box to decide whether to keep paying $39 a month for things I already have. Hopefully they 'bring it' next time. That means you, Kevin Love!!!! In the meantime, I am waiting on my nose hairs to grow out so I can try my Mangroomer.

Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. If you want a bachelor thrill and don't want to pay anything, you can see what girls look like around the world, find out what they're like, and rate them. It's pretty addicting. http://www.girlsonamap.com/.

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  1. this isn't the first 12 society box, the first box was sent out around january during a trial run this is just the first official public release 12 society box

  2. Has anyone heard anything from 12 Society? It seems as though they have no new updates on their site, their phone number is disconnected, and they are not responding to emails.


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