Silicon Valley Reality Girl: How to Improve Your Game with the Ladies

A while ago, I told you all about how I was asked to meet with a casting director for a Silicon Valley reality show put on by Bravo. Since then, as far as I know, the show has not been green lit. I imagine the casting director and producer showing the video they took of me to the execs, and the execs going something like this:

"What the f*ck is this!?!? This is the most interesting guy you could find us? I have a toilet plunger that's more interesting than this guy. Leave your key card and let the door slam you on the way out. You're fired."

I was told that I was one of five people to be shown to the "higher ups" or something. I wasn't really paying attention - I just wanted to get back to talking about me. The whole process was kind of weird. They put me in a room, turned on the bright lights, turned on the camera, started asking questions, fed me an odd-tasting drink, and I woke up several hours later in an abandoned alleyway, naked, confused, hungry, sore, and bleeding in all the wrong places. But before that, during the filming, I would say several things about what I do and the casting director would tell me to say it over again, but to do it in a way to her liking. I got the feeling that I was going to be the "brash, swash-buckling, rock-hard, handsome, womanizing SVB" they had read about on my blog.

One of the other five people, Andrea Faz, ended up reaching out to me a few weeks later to see if I had heard anything back from the show. We began chatting, and it seems her experience was similar to mine. In her words, she was destined to play "the bitch" as the casting director kept asking for more details on how she rejects guys and makes them feel stupid. I immediately thought she would've been the Snooki to my "Situation" - although, I probably would've been known as "The Impediment-ation" for the powers I hold over bouncers not allowing me OR my friends into establishments.

Let's get to know Andrea and how one might "win over" a reluctant woman at a club....

Question 1: You got labeled as "the bitch" - which reality star do you think you would've resembled most? I'm hoping for Snooki. 

Hahahahaha Snooki? Ummm definitely not, although I can’t deny the fact that I am a huge Jersey Shore fan. There is something about trash television that makes me feel so (sigh) content with my own life. Anyways, that is a hard question; I would say that I’m a combination of Bethany Frankel and Sofia Vergara. HAHAHAHAHA I know she’s not a reality star, but I like the way she embraces her physical appearance as a commodity. I find value in being a woman in a male driven world, and believe it can be powerful if used intelligently. I am also extremely career driven like Bethany and admire her perseverance and strength. 

Question 2: You were asked to go into detail about how you reject guys. You sound like you do it a lot. What are some things that guys do when they approach you, that annoys you? 

Well this question is going to completely kill my dating life, thanks Kevin! Hahahaha It’s not that I REJECT them, I just put some of them (that deserve it) in their place. It’s not uncommon to find a douche bag guy in Silicon Valley who thinks they’ve created the next facebook, google, or will save the world with their new app. It’s also not uncommon to find some financer or accountant whose ego is growing just as quickly as their paycheck. I’m all about ambition and love people who are passionate about their work- it’s actually a huge turn on for me. Unfortunately, some guys can come across as jerks, condescending, insincere, or all of the above. They assume that 1) I don’t have the mental capacity to understand what it is they actually do or 2) that I am dying to marry them so I can become the next Mrs. Zuckerberg or Melania Trump. 

Some guys will boast about their fabulous work perks to portray this glamorous life, as if they imagine my eyes lighting up with dollar signs as a grab them by the waist and yell “Take me!”. I know I don’t look like your typical silicon valley business owner… but I am and I get offended when people assume I’m incompetent or ready to become a stay at home trophy wife. Not happening! Well maybe just the trophy wife part hahahahaha. 

Q3: Tell me a specific incident where you made someone feel like an idiot. And how good did it feel?

Hahahahaha Ok, now I’m really going to be unapproachable- awesome. Well… (sigh)… Let me warn you that these instances usually happen when I’m out, and I’ve had a drink or two in my system that have consequently elevated my sass factor. Hmmm well, I was actually in New York visiting some friends, and we all went out to some bars in Manhattan. One of my girlfriends and I were approached by these two New Yorkers and they started chatting with us. This dude lead the conversation by informing me that he worked on Wall Street, which can mean anything really. So I asked him what he actually does on Wall Street? He kept giving me the most vague answers, and I continued asking him specific questions. The more I asked, the more awkward he was getting. Ends up that he works an entry-level finance job researching currency markets, which is actually a really cool job. 

I don’t know why he was being so sketchy about it. I called him out on it PLAYFULLY, “You’re totally trying to play off this big Wall Street guy persona- you aren’t fooling me”. So then, in an attempt to regain his ego I’m guessing… he says to me, “What, are you and your friend? Some sort of gold-diggers or something?”…. I know ( ………. At this point this a-hole hadn’t even asked me what I did for a living, or what my friend does. He had no idea where we came from, or what our backgrounds were. I won’t go into details about what I said to him, but the guy ended up apologizing after I made him look like an idiot douche. He insisted on buying me a drink. I told him that he needed to buy me AND my friends a drink, and he did. It felt good… 

Q4: What are some things guys can do to get into your good graces? .... if they were hitting on you at a bar? 

Hahahaha how to get into my “good graces”? Well I believe confidence is one of the sexiest things ever, but I also think guys are sometimes confused by what it means to be confident. To be truly confident means to be completely secure with yourself. Just be sincere, be humble, have fun, and never assume anything about a girl! Introduce yourself, and always offer to buy a lady a drink. Ask me to dance, but please don’t think I will be grinding on you for an hour. Just because the ghetto couple next to us is basically procreating, doesn’t mean you’ll be as lucky so don’t grab my hips trying to secretly guide them closer to your man area. At the end of the night, ask for my number and not vice versa. The guys I’ve dated have all come onto me in different ways, but it was genuine to themselves so I can’t say that there is one cookie cutter straight way. 

Q5: What kind of stylistic elements do you look for in a guy? Shoes? Hair? Tight white v-necks? Good dance skills? Drunk, incomprehensible slurring? 

Hahahahaha all of the above JK. Well I like to be put together and find guys who do the same, attractive. I definitely like a bit of “swag” to my guys, and having some dancing skills is an amazing bonus although it isn’t a deal breaker. I know I’m a pretty tough critique when it comes to dancing. I do love a man in a v-neck, jeans, and nice shoes or a nice button-up. In college I was never into the frat boy, cut-off t-shirt, just rolled out of bed look. I love being arm candy, and appreciate a guy who feels the same. 

Q6: What are you doing now? Why do you think you would've made for riveting reality TV? 

Well I started a Marketing and PR Agency specializing in social media, and as you know when starting a company- your days are unconventional, hectic, and eclectic. I have a diverse set of clients including some non-profits, B2B tech, energy companies, to even an artist. I am fortunate to have some earnings but I’m still in essence a “startup”. I am working from the bedroom I had growing up at my parent's place. So living and working from a 5 year olds dream castle is pretty comical I would say. 

I am 23 years old, and I do make it a point to live a balanced life as much as I can. I love to be spontaneous and enjoy life to its fullest. I network a lot, and I think that has given me the opportunity to interact with a diverse group of people ranging from a Board Member of one of the most recognized incubators in the Valley to a Drag Queen working in San Francisco. I don’t think it can get more diverse than that hahahaha or CRAZY! hahahahaha 

Q7: Also, don't you think that Ben Flajnik is a douchebag who let his position as "the bachelor" go to his head? And if he were on the street, none of those girls would've given him the time of day? Not saying I watch the show or anything... 

Hahahahaahaha I actually liked Ben at first because he wasn’t trying to be someone he wasn’t. He was this awkward guy, who found himself in a predicament he would have never been in had it not been for the show obviously. I was really entertained by how much of a make-out whore he was though- it was hilarious. To be honest I did stop watching the Bachelor just because I heard rumors around SF that he didn’t choose anyone, so I prioritized my TV watching hours to higher quality television like Teen Mom 2 and Jail on spike.

Thank you, Andrea. And, OMG! Of course he didn't choose any of the girls, because now he's getting poon tang for the first time in his life!!! ABC created a monster by turning this poor little simpleton into someone who believes he has true game. People only liked him because he was this clueless, awkward guy, who was probably a virgin before doing The Bachelorette. But, anyhow, I stand by my comment that I do not watch that show.

You can read Andrea's blog here or follow her on Twitter @AndreaFaz. And, Andrea, I look forward to continuing a typical Silicon Valley relationship, by never actually seeing you in person. I will however, obligatorily, one day Facebook "like" your future wedding pictures and subsequent baby pictures - lest I be that ONE a-hole who scrolls right by them WITHOUT "liking" them. Thank you in advance.

Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

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