My Birthday Wish For You

I can't help but notice the wrinkles around the eyes of my friends when I talk to them. Grey hairs. Laugh lines. The onset of the inevitable aging proces. It seems like yesterday we were college kids, partying without a worry in the world. Like high schoolers, trying to fit in. Like adolescents, trying to stretch out those precious play minutes between school and dinner... Now, I look around me and I see friends getting married, having kids, mortgages, careers, and stability - and the premonition of where they might be in 20 - 30 - 40 years...

I don't see that far for me.

Ever since I was young, I've had a crushing sense of mortality. One of my earliest memories was laying on the couch alternating between crying and hyperventilating (like only a young kid can do) - sad that one day my parents were going to die. My parents tried to alleviate those fears by telling me that day would be a long time away. My worries subsided for awhile, always in the back of my head, but coming back to reality as my grandparents - who grew as close to me as my parents - passed away during my high school and early college years.

I'm not afraid of dying as much as I'm afraid of losing. Losing the people I love.

I've never made a wish for myself. If my wishes get granted, they will happen for others. I can only pray. And wish. While this may seem like a selfless act, it's not. It's about as selfish as one person can get. I am terrified of losing anyone close to me. I want your dreams to come true, because that means you're still having them.

I never thought I was going to live a long life. It's the truth. But it's not sad. I like a little more, hate a little less, laugh a little harder, explore with more intensity, love with all my heart, and savor with all my insecurity. My threshold for heartache is small. Make no mistake, I am weak. But I am strong from the family that surrounds me. I am strong in the joys my friends have in their lives. I am strong from humor. And I am strong from love.

As I gain another year in age, I promise to be there for you when wanted at your child's birthdays, graduations, and their own sets of weddings. I promise to be there for you. Not because of duty, but because I want and need you in my life to keep me strong. I don't know where my life will take me, but I can tell you that I am happy as of right now. As with every birthday, I wish for you to make your own wishes and see them come true. Your joy is my strength and I thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

Kevin L.

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1 comment :

  1. Aw... what a sweet little birthday mushpot.


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