How to Score Hot Women Faster than Celebrities, Pro Athletes, and John Stamos

I have seen the promise land and let me tell you folks, it's glorious! I think I see Blue! Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were Mario Lopez and walking into a nightclub? Or Tommy Lee calling up women in the audience to "party backstage" after a concert? What about Shawn Kemp in his hay day when he was in town to take on the local NBA team? Well, I have! "Hey Ladies! I'm Mario Lopez! Look at my dimples! And my sweet innocent smile! And remember when you loved me on Saved By The Bell!?!?" Next thing you know, BAM, you're being knocked up by A.C. Slater while he's calling you dirty names. He's so lucky. Monogamy to them is like getting cancer for most people, or becoming fat in LA - almost unfathomable, with a quick death a more preferable option.

So, you ask, how can you - a common, simple, neanderthal - score hot women at a more prolific and easier rate than a TV Personality, a Rock Star, or a Professional Athlete? Wait for it... It's genius. You sell pub crawls in tourist hotspots in Europe!!! It sounds so simple, but I have witnessed it with my eyeballs. Each one of them. Both with dilated pupils. I, of course, was mortified by these lady's lack of morals and chastised them by yelling out, "WOMEN, IF YOU DON'T RESPECT YOURSELVES, WHO WILL!?!?" I think the guys who were making out with these women appreciated my appeals towards rational, sobering dialogue. Several people bought me drinks - only they spilt most of them on my shirt and head.

My good buddy, Vince, who has given me permission to publish his name and pictures, went to Rome for the last eight months, where he worked for a company selling pub crawls at six euros for each person he brought in. He lived paycheck to paycheck, but he was more than compensated by hot tourist Vuh-J-J from Sweden, Australia, Canada, USA, Ireland, Austria, Finland, and just about every other country you can think of. You work as much as you want, standing outside tourist traps and approaching groups of girls or guys with the allure of going on a pub crawl with other young tourists who ALL want to get wasted. What young, single person goes on vacation and doesn't want to go out and get drunk? The pub crawls typically go to four bars/nightclubs, with the first bar hosting all-you-can-drink for the first hour. The cost ranges from 20-25 euros, and each major European city typically has two competing pub crawls. For Vince's pub crawl in Rome, I literally saw two couples - who had JUST met - making out within 20 minutes.

Vince said the best thing about doing this was that the girls he hooked up with always had to catch a flight or a train the next morning. The other positive aspect was that, whereas in the States, if you strike out Friday or Saturday night with the ladies, you have to wait a whole week to step up to the plate again; On these pub crawls, they took place EVERY night. No luck on Saturday? See you Sunday. And Monday. And Tuesday. Where else you going to go on those nights? If you're a tourist, you only have so many days to party... Anyhow, I won't let my words do the talking - I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. And, yes, he hooked up with most of these women. And ALL of these pics are now in a folder marked "private" on my laptop. (I think one of these pics is not really work safe, which means I can look at them ALL the time!)

So next time you want to know what it's like to be John Mayer, saddle up next to our very own local version and buy Vinnie a drink! But be careful not to actually share a drink or follow him up on the toilet seat - he's most likely carrying the herps that he likes to call "chapped lips" and "it's just a pimple on my penis."

Kevin L.

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