Whiskey Dick: The Untold Story

Amongst men, there are a few things we don't really talk about... how much we actually DID enjoy Titanic and The Notebook (but only the first time watching them), and then there's Whiskey Dick.

Friend #1: Hey Man, you really think we should have this next drink? I've been having trouble getting a full-on erection when I get blacked-out drunk.

Friend #2: Well, Friend Number One, I agree with you, unlike my feelings toward your mom when she gave you that name. Alcohol can lead to serious side-effects, including heart disease, liver disease, cancer, birth defects and whiskey dick. Let us stop drinking now and pray. 

I once read in a GQ Magazine, back when I still read other people's writings that weren't my own, and it told me that the way to a healthy member is to make sure that it constantly receives blood flow (aka ERECTIONS!). I quickly showed the magazine to my Mom who had told me that too much masturbation can lead to blindness, hairy palms, and decreased functionality and sensitivity down there at an older age. I then told her to leave me the hell alone and don't knock on my door when I put the skull and cross-bones picture on the door knob. Of course, she was allowed to knock if she were bringing up some meatloaf.

Those were the good old-days... It's been at least three weeks since she's brought me any meatloaf! I never know what she's doing in there. Anyhow, I digress, I have combatted whiskey dick by masturbating several times a day, particularly when drunk, so that I train my member to handle any situation that my body is confronted with. Oddly, I have never trained it to handle a female, but it'll handle alcohol. Oh. Yes. It. Will!!!

Recently, it has come to my attention that I have some hard-partying friends who will engage in the occasional night of popping a Viagra or Cialis when drunk. This shocks me. We are not talking about Newt Gingrich, but guys who are young, vibrant, stylish, and must work out. One of these friends explained it to me this way, he will do some recreational drugs, like cocaine, heroin, mushrooms, marijuana, and alcohol - but nothing serious - and will meet a girl who will want to "get it on" and then he'll pop half-a-Viagra to perform like a rock-star all night. I, of course, asked the most obvious question, which is "what did it feel like?" Which he answered, "amazing. We had sex in every position." Then I responded with, "no, what do boobs feel like? Like a bag of sand?"

He never did answer my question.

So, folks, I am telling you that there is a revolution out there. It started with Red Bull Vodka, and has moved on to Five-Hour Energy Drink Chasers, and now we're at the stage of Viagra and Cialis nightcaps. I, personally, don't believe in pill-popping... if only it came in the form of powder and you could snort it up your nose, THEN we might be talking here... On a more important note, if anyone has any idea what boobs feel like, please get back to me.

Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

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  1. This is funny. This reminded me when I first went out to buy generic viagra. The story is just hilarious and mind blowing for the first experience.

  2. I can relate to this one because just like George, I had the same experience buying a viagra and a condom for the first time. The funny thing is that the cashier at that time was long time girl crush.


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