The Best Clubs Around the World that I Promised I Would Mention on SVB

While traveling the world in recent months, I had the opportunity to enter many bars and clubs with actual management approval! Many of you go to places to see historical landmarks and aesthetic natural beauty. I don't. I go to sleep with women. I even succeeded once! But that was many years ago when I was 13. Who knew that reading stories at that Senior Citizen home in Romania would pay off so handsomely?! I'll never forget Ulga and her undentured mouth...

Anyhow, I'd like to give a shout-out to some of these club folks and their venues, of which you may have waited outside for hours, while the SVB strolled right up and was whisked away to VIP. And minutes later, ushered through the door to the alleyway where I was routinely beaten, probed with broom sticks, and then urinated on.... But for those few minutes, I got to see it all because I write a blog. One that has been read by over 90,000 people, with nearly 1,000 regular readers! Why you spend your time on me, I don't know. I would be watching YouPorn if I were you.

Sure, you may think of me as a great writer and sex symbol, but I actually am very good with verbally-spoken words as well. I could sell a woman in white gloves a ketchup popsicle. That's why when I speak to bouncers/promoters/management/ThaiMasseuses, they routinely allow me to enter because they believe I'm so accomplished.

Here are some of those cool-ass people who let me into the hottest clubs in their respective cities, sans cover and line. And believe me, they have to be the coolest venues, because I do my research. Those Thai Masseuses wouldn't dare lie to me. Now I know I lost half the business cards and almost all of my dignity most mornings, but here are the business cards that I found in my travel bag:

Taipei, Taiwan:
- Room 18
Thanks, Nigo

Shanghai, China:
- The Monkey Lounge
Thanks, Tony

Vancouver, Canada
- Bar None
Thanks, Charz

Whistler, Canada
- Buffalo Bills
Thanks, Jason

San Juan, Puerto Rico
- La Concha
Thanks, Joaquin

Las Vegas, Nevada
- XS
Thanks, Jackie
- Blush
Thanks, Andre
- Lavo and Tao Beach
Thanks, Jesse

Sydney, Australia
- Home
Thanks, Sara
- Kit & Kaboodle Supper Club
Thanks, Staff!

I'm missing several countries, sorry. Just writing down these places brings back so many fond memories. So. Much. Fun. I thank you all for serving alcohol and I apologize for consistently missing the mark when peeing in your urinals. I like peeing my initials on the ground. While intoxicated, this highly amuses me. Now, if you'll forgive me, I must go watch YouPorn now.

Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

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