Partying in Vancouver: Through the Eyes of a Local

Well, my month of travels has only two weekends and three destinations left, thank goodness. I'm tired and I really think that my body has started to send me signals that enough is enough. Take for instance the projectile vomiting in Boston at 1pm in the afternoon. I laughed at first and thought, 'is this all you got?' It's going to take a lot more than puking up complete pieces of lobster and whiskey mixed with stomach acid to make me stop.

Two hours later - I wasn't laughing anymore.

I begged for it to stop as food was getting caught in the sink and making me puke more from the sight. Then I quickly turned to the toilet and puked more, which I realized I should have done from the beginning, since you can flush the puke right out of your life! As you can tell, I am not a barfer. Heck, I use words like 'barfer' - that should say something right there. Normally I just sleep the hangover off, but NOOOOO, not this time. Well, I'll tell you who had the last laugh. I promptly showered up and forced some more vodka down my stomach at the hotel bar. And I mean copious amounts! Make me puke up all that expensive food!??! I'll show you.

Mind vs. Body: 1 to 1 (although, if you count my whole life, the score is probably 8,947 to 3)

So the battle lines have been drawn, we meet again in Seattle tomorrow. But since I don't have much time to write with all this traveling, I have decided to post my friend Emily's quick synopsis of Vancouver (which I visited a few weeks ago) here. Vancouver will warrant another post later, (because I want to live there), but this will have to do for now. As a little bit of a preface, I asked Emily if there were any places that would be hard to get into, because it's nothing the SVB can't solve with an ahead of time phone call:

Me: Hey, this is the Silicon Valley Bachelor, I'll be in town this weekend and I need to check out your club for a post that I may write.

Club Manager: Who?

Me: This is a little embarassing. I'm kind of a big deal. Have you heard of the Silicon Valley Bachelor....

Club Manager: No.

Me: You infidel! Well, allow myself to ... err, introduce myself-

Club Manager: Click

Well, without anymore delay, here is my friend Emily's comments on Vancouver partying and night life. (My future post will have much more graphic detail.):

Hotspots that will be hard to get into ... hummm. Well, just to forewarn you, Vancouver isn't exactly happening like a Vegas ya know? I speak high of it, and it's one of the top places to live in the world, blah blah, but try to picture a cross between an SF and LA? With friendlier and less obese people. Way more Asians and virtually no Blacks. Lots of cheap sushi. And slutty women! It's like another version of Iceland! But honestly it'll lack on the "big city"feel, more of a laid back friendly place where we don't believe in guns and love hockey.

We lack on people. 2 million in the metro area, only 33 mil in the country. Crazy for one of the largest land masses in the world eh? But to spice things up, Vancouver's women to men ratio is I think 3:1. Or 5:1, something ridiculous. And the women are by far, hotter than the men. It's kinda strange. So odds are definitely in your favour!

With that being said, you'll have to tell me what's your kinda scene? Are you digging the hole-in-the-walls, peeps from all walks of life, or do you like the more upscale douchey-pop-collar and $10 drinks? I mean, I can do both. I'm just accommodating that way!

Can you tell I host travelers all the time? It's part of my paying-it-forward motto in life, I usually host about 1-2x a month. So I have a list of places/things for you to do, just let me know what you like! The Hyatt is absolutely gorgeous, it's only 2 blocks from my house actually. I live in the core of downtown. It's great for stumbling home after the bars. The party strip is on this street called Granville and unfortunately it's only packed on Fri/Sat. Thursday is a warm up if you're down for it ...

Vancouver's a lot like SF where you can really walk just about everywhere downtown. Stanley Park is like your Golden Gate park (it's designed by the same dude I believe), we have a couple of pretty bridges. The downtown is essentially like an island. There's Granville Island which is a 20 minute walk from d/t, it's gorgeous. Art galleries and farmer's markets. Chinatown, Gastown, Yaletown, Commercial Drive - kinda like Nob Hill, Mission, etc.

To avoid sounding like a complete Lonely Planet, I'll end it here! Let me know if you have any ?s.

Anyway, Emily was a great host, a champion piano player, and also a great blogger. I guess it takes one to know one!!!! Haha, get it? Meaning I'm great! Like Wilt Chamberlain great. Fred Astaire great. Tony Danza great. Al Bundy great. GREAT. Get it??


F*cK you. I don't have to impress you.

F*ck this. I'm not even going to sign off.

P.S. I have been watching a lot of The Family Guy lately. Stewie is my favorite character.

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  1. Hmmm Stewie is also gay...not that there is anything wrong with that. And I'm a Vancouverite...not too much wrong with that either. But my girlfriend did send me the link as a "this is my buddy who is coming into town tomorrow might find him funny cuz he wrote about Vancouver." But the only thing I can think of after reading that is...did you REALLY try to use the SVB as an IN to a hip club in Vancity? Cuz dude...well...I'll explain Canadian nuances tomorrow night...

  2. Are you implying I'm not funny?!?

    And Stewie's gay!?! I guess I've got a lot of self-reflection ahead of me.

  3. Informative content, In bachelor party you can drink all night but between the beer and the strippers, wouldn't it be fun to have a few bachelor party games such as Despedida Soltero.

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  4. It looks like someone got their numbers off the back of a cereal package. 5 women to each man in Vancouver? I wish. It is actually closer to 9 men for each 8 women. Sad, but true.


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