How You'll Know When It's Time to Break-Up With Someone

While I'm probably the last person to give good advice on how to make a relationship last, I have plenty of experience on ending them (or at least making the other party feel like they should end it). Maybe I'm a little quick to jump the gun, but here are some sure signs that you should probably end your relationship and start the New Year off right!

1. You Don't Compromise - And I'm not talking about showering when you don't want to, I'm talking about doing things that make her happy, like going to the ballet even though there's a perfectly good football game on TV. Remember that wonderful line in As Good As It Gets, where Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt that she makes him want to be a better person? You should always feel like you have to earn that love - too often we forget that. And if you don't feel that way - it's time to move on.

2. You Argue All the Time - If you spend at least 1 out of the 7 days of the week arguing about something, that is one day too much. I feel like the older I get, the less I've had to argue or want to argue. I like communicating and ... wait for it.... compromising! I truly feel some people spend too much time with their significant others, which will inevitably lead to a short fuse and annoyance. Spend time with your other friends, the time apart makes you appreciate the loved one in your life. (Or who knows, if you find that you are dreading going back, then: tah dah! End it.)

3. Your Values are Completely Opposite - I'm not talking about, 'she likes funny movies, I like action (preferably naked),' I'm talking about, 'she's a smoker,' or 'he doesn't want kids,' or 'she thinks George W. will be vindicated' - things like that. Believe me - I've embraced the dating of complete opposites. I enjoy learning things from people that break the mold of 'who I am' or 'what other people think I should be,' but there are just some lifestyle choices that ultimately don't work out in the long-run.

4. You Feel Insecure - If you're going out with the right person, you should never feel belittled, degraded, or inconsequential. A lot of guys will do this to play mental games with women. I haven't seen it as much with my female friends, but guys will do this because they feel insecure about themselves. Much like the military, they will try to break you down as an individual, and build you back up as a component of themselves. You will feel like you can't hang out with your friends, or you need his approval, or you aren't good enough. I despise these types of low-level thugs. Your relationship should be built on trust, honesty, and respect, and continue to grow from two beautiful minds, rather than from the will of one caveman, who will lead you nowhere, physically and mentally.

5. You've Already Broken Up Before - Finally, this is probably one of my biggest relationship pet peaves. If you've broken up with your ex in the past, not 'taking a break,' but full-on, 'it's over!' mode, I guarantee that your relationship will not stand the test of time. In all my life asking people about how they got married, how they met, etc., I've never once heard in my life a story of a couple who lived happily ever after, when they've already broken up several times. There's two things about people who break up, only to come back together. #1: They're naive, because they always think the other person has changed for the better. Give it a month of bliss, before the old demon rears it's ugly head again. #2: They're too impulsive. If you can quickly break up with someone, then you don't have the skills to make it through a relationship (or this relationship) that will face far more tribulations in life that so far doesn't include: home ownership, in-laws, children, and menopause, just to name a few.

This New Year, I wish you all the best in your relationship endeavors. Life is short - make good, firm, honest decisions. Stay humble and modest.

Yours Truly,
Kevin L.
The Awsomest Silicon Valley Bachelor Ever

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  1. Oh Kevin, seriously I don't know why you're still a bachelor. Or maybe this blog is some veiled effort to bait women by hawking your sensitive, understanding male wares?!!! Anyhoo, sad we couldn't meet up this weekend. But another time! Hope you have a great NYE.

    ~ cecile

  2. Cecile! How dare you broadcast my deceiving methods to the world?!?! Thank you for the kind words.

  3. Pragmatic and ideal! Your thoughts, wisdom, and intellect continue to inspire and motivate me beyond my timid self. Thank you kevin.

  4. I have to say, this is a great blog and wonderful advise.

  5. Thank you very much. Ultimately, this blog is about finding and sustaining a relationship with the RIGHT person.... and along the way, maybe get drunk often and make many, many bad decisions.

  6. Your opinions did't appeal to me. Everyone argues probably more than once a week and still they last its will determination and the growing feelings you have toward your significant other that get you through the relationships. No one should believe in breaks if your taking a break your looking for a different person to be with.

  7. My opinions don't appeal to me either. I write things and then completely disagree with them.


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