Hot Older Ladies

I must admit it, sometimes I get sick of the usual fare. It's like drinking PBR all the time, every night, 20 or 30 per night, and then you want something different. Like a fine Chateau Lafite-Rothschild.

I know I wrote about the cougars before, but that's not what I'm talking about now. Sometimes, I like the older, older ladies. Sometimes, I wonder if now that I'm living in SF, Danielle Steele will walk into the Grove and ask me to be husband number 7. I know she's probably pushing 70, but she just understands men so well! I don't know how she writes us with such astute skill and perspicaciousness.

Take for example this from her tome, "Toxic Bachelors":

"Charlie [read: Kevin] was up early [read: after 3pm], although his recollections of the evening before were a little vague. They usually were when Gray and Adam were involved. They were a fearsome trio, but their fun was harmless. They answered to no one, none of the three men were married, and at the moment none had girlfriends. They had long since agreed that, whatever their situations, they would come aboard [the boat] alone, and spend the month as bachelors, living among men, indulging themselves. They owed no one apologies or explanations, and each of them worked hard in his own way during the rest of the year, Charlie [Kevin] as a philanthropist [read: unemployed screen writer], Adam as an attorney, and Gray as an artist."

Okay, that passage might have had some homoerotic allusions, but it's me -- and Gray and Adam are just good friends, I swear.

Anyhow, I also really secretly kind of dig that lady on 'There's Something About Mary.' Not Cameron Diaz, though she's definitely getting cougerlike, but Magda. That tan skin, like a fine leather; her raisin-like pucker; the experienced cataract-ridden eyes that say, "come here, Tiger" -- I'll take her and an elegant bordeaux any day.


P.S. This post was written by my sister serenading as me. Her extensive vocabulary is a dead giveway that it wasn't me. Other than that - pretty nice impersonation. I would have gone with Two Buck Chuck Charles Shaw, but I'll let her slide!

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  1. Hands down, unequivically, one of THE most disturbing things I've ever read.

  2. i don't believe in this "sister" you claim to have. this article sounds pretty authentic to me.

  3. I mean come on....'perspicaciousness'? I had to look that one up in the dictionary. And I STILL don't know what it means!

    But if you insist... I'll take credit.


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