The SVB in the Matrix...

.....I feel like a complete nerd for writing that title. But bear with me, it gets nerdier.


So as you may know, up until about a year ago I thought html was short for hotmail (see above, 'about me' section). But recently, the CEO of the company I work for - to protect identities, we'll just call him Bob Smith, IV - decided to up the ante and asked me to start delving into the world of product management, spec writing, basic html, data pulling.... stuff that made me quiver and lay in bed dreading the thought of work. (Actually, I really like to sleep, so it's not that hard. I quiver for a few moments and doze back into lala land.)

My first thought was to go, 'whoa, let's pace ourselves here! It's only been a year, html does not stand for hotmail..... I am still getting use to it.' I thought better of it, so I kept my mouth shut and decided I would learn this thing they call 'html'. I had to learn it, so that I could plug stuff into our newsletters at work. Let me know if I use too many technical terms on you here....

I guess the criteria kind of fit in my realm of 'community relations,' of which I am the 'manager' - thank you very much. By the way, I work for an awesome company called MerchantCircle - with some of the best folks around! One guy in particular - we'll just call him Bryan Ollisa - is the best teacher a non-techie could have. Anyway, he taught me the basics and what to look for with all those back slashes, brackets, a href's, and combinations of letters that no human being should ever have to know. Unless you want to make money.... what losers!

Matrix Code

So the most amazing thing started to happen, as I would change things and then go to the newsletter and refresh it, I could see things start to change just the way I had planned it! I would then go back into the code and see all these things and know.... what.... had .... to ..... be ....done. I had to step into the Matrix and sacrifice everything that was cool about me and kill it. My transformation into nerdom would be complete.

I started to giggle - not laugh, or chuckle - but giggle everytime I put something new together. I was calling people over to look at my handy work and I didn't care how dorky I seemed. It was like, 'hey everyone, come over and see how dorky I am!' After awhile, I then put on my iPod headphones and listened to music like all the great engineers before me had done. I never understood how engineers could listen to music and get work done - now I knew. I was like Neo when all of a sudden he puts his hand up and stops all those bullets.

I know html.

Conversely, I will not be writing about dating exploits anymore because I like to spend my spare time at home now learning about the latest progamming software, hacking the iPhone for future web infamy, and hanging out with my little rugrat.

The Silicon Valley Engineer

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