Hahahahahahahahah. My favorites: "... can you keep up?" "smart, funny," "matching his collar with the latest eyewear fashion." "And no, he does not have a neck tattoo (yet)." OMG, (and you guys know I only use "OMG" for extreme situations!) whoever snags this guy must be some classy babe. And that's the picture he submits of a smart, funny, office jester? It looks more like the picture for "most likely to beat wife," or "wife must have plow experience." I imagine he runs on stage like Chris Elliot does during the date auction in Groundhog Day. (I love that movie.) He probably also drops a couple of dollars for tip at a restaurant, just so that his date can see, before quickly picking up the dollars once she's looking away.
Let's move on, even though there is no shortage of material here. I'm going to bag on Skylar because of his "deep in thought" profile pic. Did you ever read that post on douchebag Silicon Valley profile pics? (Don't worry, it's not written by me.) Amongst the category "very important dbag" pics, where the person is speaking to an audience, there is also the "thoughtful humanist." It's a must-read. Skylar is definitely going with the "thoughtful humanist" pic here. Other than that, never trust someone who is wearing sunglasses in their dating profile pic – like Ato, who is self-proclaimed, "tall, dark, and handsome," and "the deep voice is just a bonus." Muhahahahaha, who are these toolios?!? Spencer looks good from afar, but you also can't trust people where the subject's face takes up only 1/100 of the picture size. So, ladies, the two normal guys with normal bios and pics are Jay and Cary. Am I wrong that their bios are more endearing than the other ones?
Let's move on to the ladies. While I might be digging here, I must take all liberties to make Louise feel better. She is the one who submitted the snow bunny picture in a sea of touched up, makeup-filled, skin-showing women.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor
P.S. If you're in the Bay, it's this Thursday, May 16th, 2013. Regardless of the scientific facts I've stated here, you should go and bid, or drink and mingle, it's for a good cause - something about underprivileged kids. Here's the link.