A Bachelor's Night Club Style Guide: 5 Fashion Mistakes People Make

The other night I went to Santana Row - the crown jewel of San Jose. It's the only place where people can pretend they DON'T live in San Jose, and that if they drink enough alcohol, it might be feasible to believe it's a territory within itself - in line with LA or Vegas. Why not? Persians and Asians everywhere! One thing that really worries me, though, about this bourgeois, new money crowd, is their preference for black clothing. It's cliche and reeks of uninspired boringness. I checked out all the hotspots - Sino, Straits, Blowfish - and it's like everyone came from a funeral. I couldn't find one color other than black.

People, if you want to stand out when going to a night club - wear something light. Take a chance! Pink. Canary Yellow. Powder Blue. And my favorite - White!

You think those rich celebrities know what they're doing when they put together their ensembles?






Now, I know what you're saying - "Kevin is a timeless beauty, comparable to Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Marlon Brando, James Dean... he's speaking from a vantage point that few attain. He needn't worry about fashion." Yes, yes, I know, but we all need an edge and I want to help you commoners out.

I go in and automatically light up a room - and that's even before the smile. You, on the other hand, go in with your black dress shirt and become one in a sea of dozens of dudes, instantly forgotten by the five females that are at Santana Row on any given night. Style, besides confidence, humor and dance skills, is something that can set you apart. If you stylistically stand out - in a good way - it'll add to your confidence. Each set of female eyes that make their way to your bright colors and up towards your face, is about several more seconds than they would've spent on you originally. You can just feed that into your enlarging ego and take some time to order a drink before making your move.

BUT, first, here are 5 stylistic choices you should avoid:

1. DON'T wear black.

See above. You may think you look best in black, but so does everyone else. You can wear black everywhere, just not to the club, if you want that extra edge.

2. DON'T wear a suit.

Really!?!? An ENTIRE suit? Maybe a blazer over a v-neck t-shirt or a sweater, but leave the dress shoes, slacks, and pocket square at home. It just looks like you're trying too hard to make up for a flawed face when you wear a suit to occasions that don't call for it. It reminds me of this one guy I went to high school with, whom I'll see at Britannia Arms in Cupertino (CUPERTINO, folks!!!) or out in Los Gatos occasionally and he's always flaunting several suit layers, complete with pocket square. He should just get a penis enlargement and be over with it.

3. DON'T wear shirts with phrases on them.

What are you? Still going to frat parties? Backpacking with Aussies? Those shirts with funny sayings aren't really that funny, now that everyone's already seen that saying a thousand times on their Facebook and Twitter feeds.

4. DON'T wear Ed Hardy.

Or any shirts with a mishmash of colors. Add skull and crossbones to that and you've got a recipe for Snooki. Any combination of these means your shirt is destined to go out of style as soon as you pull the tags off.

5. DON'T wear baggy jeans.

Unless you're fat. They make you look like a day laborer... or a Raiders fan. I think baggy jeans are done. I think skinny jeans will soon be done too (within the next two years), but you should be wearing form-fitting jeans, even loose, but definitely not baggy.


Once again, you're thinking to yourself, "Kevin, if you even have a shirt on, it's a white v-neck. I think that hardly counts as someone who knows and can dictate style." Au contraire, mon frere! Take a look at the other timeless beauties and tell me which picture doesn't fit?




That's right. They all fit! Destined to go down in history as images of splendor, grace, sophistication, ruggedness, manliness, beautifulness, smartness, sexiness, handsomness... and whatever other "ness'" I can't think of right now.

I like to call my style - blue-collar chic.

I consider myself to be blue-collar... if blue-collar people had no jobs, slept 11 hours a day, couldn't change the oil in cars, couldn't fix a clogged toilet if his life depended on it, and avoided anything that might cause dirt to get under his nails. Other than that, I am 100% blue collar.

Stay sexy,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

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2 comments :

  1. I like wearing my birthday suit when I go clubbing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. White pants and white tux opened are a norm in the Friday night affair of dance club in olongapo. Reminds me of some Elvis and some Backstreet boys.

    ReplyDelete

 
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