Is 69 Overrated?
Recently, some of my favorite couple friends were debating the merits of 69. The guys loved it and the girls hated it. As for me, I have never tried 69. I have only tried one sexual position - something called "the missionary," but it's odd, there's nothing religious about it. No clean-cut guy wearing a short-sleeve dress shirt, tie, and backpack... well, once, but I had a lot to drink. In fact, the missionary is pretty standard amongst me and my lovers. We go into our formation, it lasts about 5 minutes, and then when it's over, we open our eyes, look at each other awkwardly - not sure of what we should do next - then fumble for the remote control and quickly agree on watching reruns of Modern Family On-Demand.
It's only been 19 years since I've been having sex, I figure I will wait until 20 years to try my second sexual position. Maybe I will go with "doggystyle" - I've been intrigued ever since Snoop Dogg's 1993 debut album release of the same name. It was quite a commercially successful album that critics praised for its "lyrical realism" and his distinctive flow.
But seriously, I haven't tried 69. Crazy, huh? There's never enough time. I'm ready to blow my load right away as soon as I see boob, so getting to the point of "hey, let's flip around" seems a little too ambitious. All I can imagine is awkwardness and someone's knee hitting someone's face and a whole bunch of "excuse me" and "sorry's."
Getting back to the discussion at hand, I scientifically asked a few other of my couple friends and they all agreed that 69 was not a joy for them - even the guys this time! It went something like this:
ME: "So, how about that new 9-9-9 tax plan from Herman Cain - it's a dandy, no? Anyhow, have you guys tried 69?"
The women ended up saying that, if anything, a reverse 69 was more reasonable. Meaning, the female would lay on their back and not the guys. Doh! It's sounding worse and worse! But the consensus amongst the females was that there's just too much going on in that position for them to enjoy it. I'm guessing it's like Dance Dance Revolution when you have to tap an arrow with one foot while the other foot has to cycle through the other arrows at a ridiculously fast pace.
So, is 69 a great sex act or just something funny that Adam Sandler laughs at when Veronica Vaughn tells the first grade class to turn to page 69?!? Maybe its purpose is just the cleverness of the name and the opposite laying of the numbers... Does anyone out there enjoy 69?