How Hot Should Your Lover Be?

We've all done it. You see a hot girl/guy walk by and you look at the person they're with to see what douche they SHOULDN'T be with, so that they can run away with you. Upon dirty-looking the hell out of their partner, it's just as you thought - not even remotely close to each other on the 10-point rating scale. The facts are, most hot girls don't end up with equally attractive guys. And most hot guys don't end up with equally attractive girls.

Either the guy or the girl is a 2-point difference on the rating scale. And this actually makes for a good relationship. You can't have both people thinking they're the hottest and the other has to cater to them. That leads to a lot of standoffs and silent treatments.

I see girls all the time on Facebook - that I'm crushin on - who are with some real dweebs. I look at their pictures for hours into the night, and then Google and research the names of the guys tagged in their pictures. What!?!? You guys don't do that? Anyhow, then I call the companies those guys work for and say bad things about those guys to their bosses and hang up. It feels good. Afterwards, I download the pics, photoshop the guys out of them and place myself next to my crushes. Then, I place my penis between my legs and wear my outfit made of female skin and prance around in front of the mirror. It's quite exhilarating. Everyone should try it. I'd really like to invite these women out to summers in Rangoon wearing meat helmets, if I get the chance.

Unfortunately, these women are of equal caliber to my looks. You may think that I am a conceited individual who is quick to mention his seductive deep baritone voice, coupled with his high cheek bones on a perfectly arranged face, but I am not merely stating empirical evidence. Based off of 83 votes on HotOrNot.com, I am certifiably an 8.4. It's the wisdom of crowds. Don't fight the science, people. Therefore, sitting on my perch where the other 8s look down on the ugly people, I feel I am an expert on the importance of looks in a relationship.


Besides dating A-holes for most of their teens and 20s, girls worry about the impending age of 30 and beyond, settling for Mr. Good Enough. Guys they wouldn't even give the time of day to in college, are now their husbands. These guys worship these women, instead of the cocky, bad-boys who treated them like crap.

As for guys, once they get all their philandering out of the way with bimbos, they realize they want a smart, strong woman who will take care of them. See previous post. And those girls may not be as good-looking as what they can conceivably get, but these less attractive women will be able to challenge them in other ways.

So, like that song on the soundtrack of My Best Friends' Wedding (it was one of my sister's favorite movies, ok?!), "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife, so from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you." (Or guy.)

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The "8.4" Bachelor

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2 comments :

  1. So if i'm a 10, does that mean i should be with an 8? But what if you're with an 8, who thinks they're a 10? Then you're on an equal playing field again.

    But i think you may be on to something.

    But i don't want to settle. Oh Kevin why is love so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wait. I didn't hear anything you said after, "I'm a 10." Please post pics...

    ReplyDelete

 
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