Attention Silicon Valley: Free Beer and the Chance to Meet Women!

There are a lot of things that Silicon Valley isn't good for... namely, dating, a respectable male to female ratio, attractive people, fun things to do, and neighbors that speak english. But there is one thing that you can find in Silicon Valley, besides someone who can build you a website while simultaneously playing World of Warcraft, and that's free booze. It's everywhere. It's almost cliched. Every startup knows it's protocol to stock your refrigerator with alcohol. Not that the nerds of Silicon Valley know what to do with it. Oh, they'll drink a beer or two, but good luck with them as your wingmen using lines like: "Hey, what's your favorite hash tag on Twitter?" Or, "Did you know that 98% of enterprise companies are now using open-source software!?!?"

I don't know about you, but that kind of talk gives me a boner. 

Let's get back to the talk of alcohol, though, because I love it. I drink it until it goes down, down, down to my belly.  Yummy for my tummy. Sometimes, when I'm drinking a cocktail, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the ice cubes. Like Debbie Gibson once said, "I get lost, in my eyes, and I feel my spirits rise.. and soar like the wind, is it love that I am in?" Yes, Kevin, it's love. (Or.... you may have an alcohol problem.)

Recently, I got an invitation for free alcohol and free food. Big whoooppeeeddeeedooo! But, THEN, I saw that the beginning part of the email said: "First off, I love your blog!" Let me just say, you had me at 'first'. You had me at 'first'. (I said it twice for emphasis. The second time was delivered with a cracked, wavering, vulnerable voice.) The inviter goes on to say, "it's interesting to read about what the men think about the over-saturation of dudes in this area." Did you read that?!? Not only is she female, but she called me a MAN! Whoohooo! It is true. I recently completed my 17 year trial period of puberty. I passed with a D+. I'll tell ya, that's not a grade they like to give out. I'd also like to let my new friend know that I am not just a resident of this area, I'm also the President. Why else would I have such meaningless information such as this chart below for my disposal?


As you can see, there is a glut of extra males in Silicon Valley, that's why this invite from "Nina" is so awesome. She's started a group called UpTo29 - a social event site for 20-somethings in Silicon Valley. The upcoming event she's having is dubbed "Speed Friending" and it's "basically a chance for people to hang out and meet in a laid-back way." She said there are already about 50 people coming and they are predominantly female. I remain largely skeptical, much like when my Mom told me that my dog looked dead on the street but was still alive in my heart. I should've listened to Colonel Sanders when he said Mama was wrong again. But instead, I just said: "No, Colonel Sanders, you're wrong!" And then I tackled the sh*t out of him.

Now, you should check out UpTo29's website here and the event listed on Yelp here, but I believe you can only be up to 29 years of age. But don't worry about that. I'm 32 and I plan on bringing this issue up with the ACLU. The non-profit UpTo29 will be mired in legal debt before they even get off the ground! Muahhahaahhaa. Welp, I figure that's a good way to end this post. See ya there!

Bye,
Kevin
The SVB

P.S. On a serious note, free alcohol is EVERYWHERE in the Valley - but events put on by a majority of females is a great minority. Nina is not running a dating org, but it's a start for you tech dweebs. If all you care about is free alcohol (like me), scour the listings on Meetup.com, attend obscure art show displays of no-name artists, go to startup launch parties, attend pot-luck dinners with a box of fresh Wyoming air, crash a funeral wake... the options are limitless. 

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