100,000 Visitors Strong... and Growing

I'd like to think when you say the title of this post, you say it to the theme song of the Flintstones Kids Vitamin song: "We are Silicon Valley Bachelor kids, 100,000 strong... and growing..."



Oh God, I looooove that song. I wish I had a little Fred Flintstone in front of me right now, so that I could bite its little head off and be healthy at the same time.

Moving on...

SiliconValleyBachelor.com recently passed a significant milestone - over 100,000 visitors to the site! Yay, me! A few months ago, you may have noticed that I added a Facebook widget to the right. I did little to promote it, but I was hoping that it would take on a life of its own as people "like(d)" it, left and right. That has yet to happen. So, of the 100,000 visitors, I'm assuming only 50 have left here as happy campers. The rest of the 99,950 readers - much like the women I date - have left disappointed and unfulfilled. Now I know Facebook is not a very popular medium for those 8 years and younger and 80 and older, therefore taking a huge bite out of my fan base, but for you other 5%, I think you should represent for me a little more... I'll wait. Click "like". Do it. Please. Done? I really appreciate it. It feeds my low self-esteem and gives me hope for the future.

Now, I must say that it is quite humbling to have surpassed such a large number. Not to mention, of those 100,000 visitors, they came from 188 different countries! (Thanks Google Analytics! How you figure such things out, baffles me. Please never report how much time I spend on Spankwire.com... Thank you.)

To give you a snapshot of some of the fan fanaticism that I've been receiving... well, have a look for yourself below:

When I heard David Beckham got a tattoo of me, that just about made me puke through my nostrils. First, you've got world-class athleticism, and then, model good-looks, now you want to complete the trifecta with a tattoo of me? Flattering, but just a bit disturbing. David, you've got a family and kids... move on. And get a smartphone for Pete's sake... You're so 2003.


Paris just picked up my new album (a cover of Yoko Ono's greatest hits) - bless her heart - but I think she did it out of fear. Paris, please, move on with your life as well. I will never release that 3 minute sex tape of us. Especially since 2 minutes are filled with you yelling at me indignantly: "Are you done?!!?? You sonafab$#*&$*! F*ck you! Wake up, you d*ckhead!" 


When Esquire decided to put me on the cover of their magazine, I was thrilled. Then I found out it was for Esquire Libya, February 25th edition. Let's just say the magazine never even made it to Tripoli, which is where my strongest base of readers are located. F*ckin' Gadhafi....


This was quite a heart-wrenching story... It seems this little girl in Peru thinks I'm her Daddy. She even learned to write it on the chalk board in english. Quite a touching rendition of my likelihood, I might say. Her letter contained words of "paternity test", "no doubt", "my Mother and I are starving", "please send just any amount of change you can spare", and other things that I didn't quite understand. I wrote her back that: "I don't understand Peruanese." Then I promptly moved to an undisclosed location. Those sweet, sweet fans in Peru. Bless you!


Well, finally, I just want to say that if I had a dollar for every single one of you.... I'd blow it all on strippers and cocaine. It'd be legendary! And then, I'd tell you all to go f*ck yourselves! But since that's not the case... I guess it's a little awkward now....

100,000 strong.... and growing....

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The SVB

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2 comments :

  1. Your cover is blown! Great post anyways

    http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/10/technology/personaltech/10basics.html?src=me&ref=homepage

    ReplyDelete
  2. You can use helpful facebook apps, that make it simple to stay updated like Social RSS that implements a blog to your page.

    ReplyDelete

 
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