How I Fell in Love with Vegas All Over Again...

Little did I know what we had been missing in Las Vegas until I first set foot into The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. For ages, we've had hotels like Excalibur, Bally's, and Hooters that catered to the Nascar fans of middle America; then we had The Palms and Hard Rock Hotel that catered to Ed Hardy-wearing douchebags and Tommy Lee wannabes; finally, we had the Bellagio, Venetian, and the Wynn's that catered to the bourgeoisie (thank you, I was the best speller in my 5th grade class). But what we had been missing was something for the Sex and the City (back before they turned into the Golden Girls)/Entourage-esque, upper middle class crowd. Mandalay Bay and MGM tried to target this crowd, but when it comes down to pure style and sophistication in a hotel - the new King of the strip is The Cosmopolitan.




Saying this sucks for me, being as that I have in recent visits been working up my player's card points at The Wynn. Which in other words means that I have chosen that hotel as the destination where I like to lose all my money in hopes of a free comped breakfast and the possibility of meeting beautiful babies on the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday using a fifty cent piece. Having now gambled in casinos in Monaco, Macau, Las Vegas, and several others around the world.... The Cosmopolitan reminded me most of the the Crown Casino in Melbourne, Australia, which, humble on the outside, is spectacular on the inside. Decadent and elegant, chic and different (I'm running out of words here), it gives you a feel that this is the type of place where Donald Draper would be hanging out in the 60s and Greta Garbo would be turning heads in the 20s. Needless to say, Carrie and Samantha, and whatever the other two girl's names are, would be meeting here for lunch every SINGLE day.

Let this be known that this is not a sponsored post. Heck, I came here with every intention of a quick walk-through before heading back home. That didn't happen. I opened a reward card, gambled (and lost) more money in hopes that the hotel might send me some personalized stationary saying: "Mr. SVB, we were sorry we couldn't accommodate your search for $1 blackjack tables or penny slot machines, but we hope you will return to our hotel. As a reminder, our cameras noticed you pretending to play high-stakes video poker, while aggressively courting our cocktail waitresses with lewd gestures in an effort to obtain free cocktails. While your efforts were juvenile, at best, we hope you will leave your cutoff jeans at home next time and reform your behavior. If not, your face will be placed in the hands of our security team and you will be designated for reassignment to Buffalo Bill's."

That would just make my day.

Later that evening, me and my cutoff jeans made our way over to the newest, hottest club in town: The Marquee. I knew something was wrong the night before when I went to XS at Encore (the previous hotspot) and the male to female ratio was 4 to 1. So, going to The Marquee, and getting there at 1:30am, I was shocked to see a line still stretching around the entrance. Heck, girls were sitting on the floor because they were tired of standing. This is the type of place where if you don't have a 9 in the group, and you're a bunch of 6s and 7s, you better saddle up to some ugly guys who look rich, in hopes that they let you slide through the velvet rope with them. If you can't work that, you should take yourself over to Studio 54, where you will be the cream of the crop. Fortunately for me, I'm a 10. And I chose to pair my cutoff jeans with my Beavis and Butthead shirt that I save for special occasions. I walked right up and in - making sure that I took my time walking straight to the front and that everyone got a glimpse of my waifish figure....

As for the The Marquee, it cost $60 million to build, which puts it at a shade under what XS spent. You can read all about what Robin Leach was spoon-fed about the specifications and features here, but we all know he's just a kiss-ass and a hobnob. I'll tell you exactly what you want to hear. Which is how much the drinks were - $14 for patron shots. M/F ratio - 3 to 2. Quality of clientele - high. Design - unique and stunning. Layout - confusing. Makeout probability - low.


Let me explain. The club is laid out on three different floors - which way you should go is rather confusing. It reminded me of Tao, because of the different rooms and levels, but harder to understand. The main dance floor is phenomenally tiny and the walkway to get around had me body to body with people, which turned ugly when I realized that it was a guy's ass my cutoff jeans were rubbing up against for five minutes. But I have to say, he must work out... After I calmed my boner down, there was NO hope of getting on the packed dance floor - one of the smallest I've seen (that's what she said!!! Sadly.). The outside pool area was beautiful, but there were not enough bodies that would make it comfortable to openly makeout with someone. You'd be too self-conscious. Sorry, I look at every layout as "what is the likelihood of a makeout session?" Heading downstairs there was a hip-hop room, but the dance floor was even tinier. My favorite part of the club had to be the upstairs area, called the Library. It reminded me of one of my favorite spots in the world, Baretto-Londra inside Hotel Fasano in Rio De Janeiro. It's intimate, classy, and a good place to makeout.


Overall, I thought the place was visually amazing with currently the hottest clientele, but way too packed on the dance floors and too many empty stairs and hallways that you had no idea where they led. My assumption is that it will stay the hotspot for some time as there are no new major Vegas strip hotels opening up in the near future. My preference is still XS because of its open layout, but not if the ratio stays at 4 to 1. With Marquee being inside The Cosmopolitan, it will be your best bet for women. Every dog has its day: from Rum Jungle to Body English to Rain to Pure to Tao to XS to Marquee - it's just a matter of time before someone else comes along. But when they do, it may have to redefine clubbing to usurp the last two champions.

In the meantime, you can find me at The Cosmopolitan with my Coors Light can (that I brought from home) covered with my Dale Earnhardt coozy and a red cup filled with my own concoction (also from home). I like the women to know that I abide by one rule.

Rule #76: No Excuses. Play like a Champion.

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. Thank you, Maggie from Magnetic PR, for the photos. And big shoutout to James Mirjavadi for setting me up and keeping the entrance one of the least chaotic that I have ever seen for a Vegas hotspot.

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2 comments :

  1. Be sure to check out CRSVR shoe store at the Cosmopolitan next time you are there!! Tell them I sent you. Get all your kicks there.

    You did not mention the Boom Box room at Marquee... a smaller version of the main room. A club inside a club. A must see.

    You failed to mention the great restaurants that make the Cosmopolitan the most unique hotel/casino in Vegas. Chef Jose Andres Chinese/Mexican fusion restaurant China Poblano, as well as his world famous Spanish tapas at Jaleo. Trendy LA steakhouse STK. And the best surf and turf I ever had at Blue Ribbon Sushi Bar and Grill. The miso butter sauce is unlike anything you have tasted in your life.

    You are right Marquee is the hot spot right now and the next major club may take its place. Be on the watch out for the Gallery that will open at Planet Hollywood on April 15 and Chateau nightclub opening at Paris on March 5. But in my opinion they will not overtake Marquee as the "it" place to be in Vegas for a while.

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  2. I did check out the CRSVR - they had some sweet gear. Although I wish someone had been spinning some beats on that turntable in the corner!

    And the China Poblano restaurant was one that I was VERY disappointed to find out was closed when I left the club at 5am. I saw earlier that they had Dim Sum and Mexican served in two different windows. Nice concept...

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