Monday, February 21, 2011

Bachelorette Parties, San Diego, and Blow Jobs... The Right Way to Go Down

Now I typically don't write about things very graphically or anything that might have to force you to imagine me naked. That's not an image anyone should have to deal with. Heck, I shudder every time I go to take a shower and catch a glimpse in the mirror. Truly traumatizing. Now, with that disclaimer taken care of - let's talk about blow jobs. Or, oral sex, for the scientists out there. I'm going to have to throw my weight towards the "for" section - as in I'm strongly committed to receiving them. I'm a very considerate receiver - always making sure that her hair doesn't get in the way and that she has full usage of a tooth brush afterwards. (And not just the cheap kind you get from the dentist office, but Oral B. You know it's good when it's got a single letter in it: like Plan B, or X-Rated, or V for Vendetta....)

My old fling, who just happens to be my first BJ, just started a Blow Job class, a la Old School, when Will Ferrell gets his ass kicked by Andy Dick with a frying pan. But prior to his beat down, the gals were going to town on cucumbers and carrots. I don't know about you, but I rewound that scene at least 100 times. Don't forget to "mind the stepchildren!" Wise words that will stand the test of time.

Well, Sasha, my first, took advantage of me on that fateful early evening romp. My parents hadn't yet returned home from work and I probably should have rinsed around my balls first - being as that I had P.E. that day. But, we were kids - in a simple time before manscaping, hair pulling, and spanking. I'm pretty sure that I went for about an hour, because I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Poor Sasha. Afterwards, it was like, um, should I say "thanks" now? I didn't. And that was that. It was 23 years ago and I was 9. I'll always remember it.

This is Sasha now below. Isn't she a dish? (I stole that line from Rose in Titanic.) She's also married to an awesome guy, whom I hope isn't going to read this.


I did "reconnect" with Sasha again in college, where I learned that she had gotten much better at her craft. And I made sure that I didn't lay there for an hour, like an idiot. Sasha is now the proud entrepreneur behind Blow By Blow based out in San Diego, CA, home of the biggest whores in the United States. (Just kidding, Sash.) You've got to check out her website at www.blowbyblowparty.com and book a BJ class for your next San Diego bachelorette party, girls get-togethers, or girls night out in San Diego! I've already been promised the opportunity to hide in a closet and secretly record the session. Can't wait! But, seriously, Sasha is one of the funniest girls I know and one of the most unique. You are almost guaranteed to have an amazing time and actually get better at giving BJs - which means, us guys, will have the most envious friends. I've only given three BJs in my life, and I'm pretty sure I could use the extra help. It's also the reason why I now have a lazy eye...

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor
Comments
2 Comments

2 comments:

S Kap said...

excellent idea. you're a lucky guy SVB ;)

The SVB said...

What? You mean her? I eat pieces of sh*t like her for breakfast!