Let me first start off by saying, this is in no way a paid/sponsored post. I think I've already established my journalistic integrity and credibility with my other ground-breaking pieces on Ashley Madison, my love for the Avalon Apartment Complex in Mountain View, Han Vodka, and Tao Nightclub in Las Vegas. Really, in life, that's all I need. Sex, home, alcohol, and dancing. In that exact order. Much like Wayne and Garth in Wayne's World, I would never cheapen your visit to SiliconValleyBachelor.com with product placement. So without further ado, I'd like to talk about my joy for online bingo.
It all started when I was a wee boy of 6 years old and my mother would take me and my sister to the community bingo events in Huntsville, Texas. It was here that my mother hoped to earn enough money so that she could continue with her expensive opium and alcohol habit. But don't worry about us kids, we were busy at work panhandling for money in the cold and begging for table scraps. Now, you may think this is harsh, but it's where I learned the value of hard work and what gouging out an eyeball of a child can do for your panhandling career. Talk about the willingness of someone to open up their wallets when they see an empty eye socket looking back out at them! I told my sister, at the time, that her eyeball would grow back out. What a trooper!
We were already working from behind, as the community already had a Chinese Restaurant, a Nail Salon, a Massage Parlor, and a Dry Cleaner. It was then that we put our heads together and my dad put his cigarette out on my arm, and profoundly stated: "we're f*cked. Now go play some d*mn bingo and get the h*ll out of my face." So away we went, ordered not to return until we had enough money to buy him a six-pack of beer.
Remember that scene in 8 Mile, where Kim Basinger wins a couple thousand dollars from playing bingo? That was what pure joy felt like for me when my Mom actually won! Wait a second, I'm thinking about that sex scene in 8 Mile where Kim Basinger was naked, but regardless, I'm pretty sure she and Eminem were stoked when they saw those hundreds. They were rumored to have an affair, you know. Kim Basinger and Eminem. I had an affair once.
Anyhow, this brings me to the smooth transition of 888bingo. It's an online bingo site that instantly meshes long dormant, 25 years ago, memories with the internet of today. Currently only available in the United Kingdom, but sure to hit the shores of the United States with the same tidal wave of enthusiasm as taxed tea was to the colonies, it's free bingo games and bingo online!!!! It makes sense. Has there not been a game adapted for the internet? Monopoly. Life. Numero Uno. Oregon Trail. Now, I haven't done the research on that claim, but I often say untrue, outlandish things like Ann Coulter or Peter Griffin to get people to pay attention to me. One thing I do know, Online Bingo is going to be just that. ONLINE. And brought to you by 888bingo, b*tches! If I were stuck on an island somewhere and could only choose three people to be on that island with me - I'd choose 888bingo, Donald Sutherland, and a blender.
Play Online Bingo, but play it only with 888bingo. I never have sex without it....
It's what I call pillow talk and foreplay:
"Yo, girl, let's play some 888bingo first. Cause I'm gonna have you yelling out 'bingo' all night long..."
The Bingo-Playing Bachelor