As I am in a dark alleyway, where the underground crime lords sell things like drugs and launder money, they have also granted me access to my website so that I can write... but mostly read my own writing and laugh profusely at how clever I am. I could get arrested at any moment and thrown into jail for 15 years in a Facebook bust.
I hope you understand the extreme risk I am taking in humoring you. I returned to find some very funny comments from my readers. Here is a sampling of their humor. This one below comes from my blog post, What Time Do Bars, Pubs, Clubs Close Around the World?:
"pubs close at 1.00am on fridays and saturdays in england, and like you said bars close at 5am you colonial cunt. Go and make you're own language and culture. I suppose you can't do that though, because in effect you are just descendants from Europeans and have adopted a very similar culture, one that isn't distinct from us at all. Go fuck yourself fatso."
Awwww, the internet... bringing the world closer together in a goodwill exchange of dialogue. I particularly like being referred to as a "colonial cunt." But I'm going to argue that he should've capitalized Colonial and Cunt and Fatso - since he is referring to me.
On another note, I also received this email from a reader today:
After coming home from the bars last night (in Boston), where I failed
to defeat a couple of major cock blocks against me, I found your blog
after searching for "cock block" and ended up reading much of it as I
wound down for the evening, and really enjoyed it. Thanks!
This email brought a touching tear to my eye. When people think "cock block" - they think of me. Mom, Dad, I'm starting to make a name for myself! Tim, you can be my cock block any time.
Finally, my readers continue to amaze me with their voracious appetite for debating the merits on issues that affect the world - like the recent comment below on my post, The World's Easiest Women: Iceland.
"well im living here now,after traveling and working in over 80 countrys after origanly being from england, and i cant say that iceland women are the best looking in the world, ok they are better than the avarage english girl( which is not hard) but they are not exactaly skinny,its not like being in russia were you walk around with your eyes popping out but they are still prity atractive, and i think maybe they are alittle easyer than most girls in europe ,especialy if you buy them a drink,which is unsuual for icelandic girls as its real expensive,
if you find a girl late at night in a bar in the city and she is alone then basical she is just waiting for somone to pick her up,and it does not take much talking up eather
but in the countryside all the attractive girls have moved to the city so there are only fat girls left ( but still prity easy)"
As you can see, my readers have the highest of IQs, with excellent spelling, punctuation, and grammar skills. I'm like a proud parent right now... gushing with exuberance. To you, my readers, here's a cheers, salud, gan bei, ba'sala'ma'ti, naz zdrowie, or wherever you're reading my posts drunk, high, or shacked up with a Thai hooker, drink up and remember to always stay prity.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor