It’s not pretty, but neither are you.
If you’re new to the area or never venture outside of your World of Warcraft station in your living room, here are places where you can meet the ethnic (or non-ethnic) girl of your choice. (Although, in Silicon Valley, it might be safe to assume that “ethnic” would refer to a “white girl”.)
Well, I’m not going to spend my time telling you about your prospects of hooking up, I have done this in a previous post here. Instead, I will tell you where they congegrate and where you should go. They will most likely be of the white-washed, eclectic types, because let's face it - I'm not spending the majority of my time hanging out at black clubs. In fact, most places you go in Silicon Valley are pretty diverse. Most people would say I’m white-washed, but they don’t know how versatile I am. Or what little amount of standards I possess – same difference.
You pretty much have 5 options in the South Bay if you don't want to commute to San Francisco: San Jose, Los Gatos, Campbell, and Palo Alto. While Santana Row is in San Jose, I like to split San Jose to Downtown San Jose and Santana Row.
ASIAN WOMEN - San Jose by itself has 27% Asians according the last U.S. census. So you really won't have to go far to find what you're looking for:
San Jose – If you’re mental and headed to Downtown San Jose, head to The Loft. If you’re not going to DT San Jose, check out Santana Row, where the dress is a little more formal and the women are a little hotter and have jobs. Blowfish after midnight is packed with a majority of Asians. Before midnight, check out Straits.
Campbell – It’s predominantly white here, but you can find some diversity at places where there is dancing. You put two and two together here. Try Cardiff.
Palo Alto – Now this is a very yuppie crowd, but also very diverse and down-to-earth. While Santana Row is diverse and dressy, Palo Alto is diverse and more relaxed - you'll find more of a white-washed Asian gal here. Try Blue Chalk or B412.
BLACK WOMEN - Blacks or African-Americans, depending how you identify yourself, make up only 3.5% of the population in San Jose, so if you ever found a black club or bar where only blacks go to, there would be a good chance that every black person you have ever met in the Bay Area is located in that club. Otherwise, these places are all very diverse:
San Jose - Go to the Vault or Wet if you're going downtown. If you choose Santana Row, try out Rosie McCann's.
Palo Alto - Go to Rudy's or Blue Chalk.
HISPANIC WOMEN - If you're in San Jose, where 30% of the population is Hispanic, just stand in the street, close your eyes, and spin yourself around in a circle. When you open your eyes, just start walking and you will find plenty of Hispanics to congregate with:
San Jose – Vault, Wet, Fahrenheit, and Sabor in downtown are my recommendations. Think Rosie Perez in "White Men Can’t Jump" and Michelle Rodriguez in "Fast and the Furious" and less Jennifer Lopez in "The Wedding Planner". For a little less roughness around the edges, I would say try Sino at Santana Row.
Los Gatos - Mt. Charley's.
Campbell – Cardiff.
Palo Alto - Blue Chalk.
WHITE WOMEN - If you want to find white women, Los Gatos and Campbell are gold mines for you. It's like they hand out membership cards for the local bars/clubs around there and it has to say "white" or "hella white". (I only say "hella" now, because at some point in Vegas, someone has to say, "oh, you're from NorCal - so you say 'hella'!" Uh, no I don't, but thanks for trying:
Los Gatos - You can go anywhere here, but you won't find many places to dance besides Mountain Charley's. Odd, considering there are so many talented white dance troupes on "America's Best Dance Crew". For a good bar, head to Carry Nations.
Campbell - The best places in Campbell are Katie Bloom's and The Spot. But lines are starting to get ridiculous there. You should get there pre-10:30 if you want to avoid long lines, or be prepared to grease a bouncer. But who wants to grease a bouncer... in Campbell!?!?
Palo Alto - Try out Old Pro.
PERSIAN WOMEN - I have very rarely ever met a Persian who doesn't like to get dressed up. Thus, you're bound to find them all over Santana Row:
San Jose - Vault if you're headed to downtown. Santana Row you can go to Straits, Sino, Rosie McCann's, V Bar - you name it.
INDIAN WOMEN - Like black women, there just aren't that many Indian women to begin with. Now there are plenty of men, given that this is an area heavy in imported engineering talent - which just so happens to be a field that is 95%+ men - but that doesn't do us men any good. So, if this is your interest, I don't have many suggestions besides moving to Canada:
San Jose - I would say Santana Row is your only shot. Check out Sino or Straits.
Well, if I have somehow managed to neglect your ethnic group, know that I will attempt to make it up by offending you in a future post.
This concludes my scientific conclusions that are being submitted to the Pulitzer Prize committee for consideration. Please email me if you have any further questions and I will be happy in assisting you - similar to Dr. Jack Kevorkian. I am humbled any time I receive an email from new readers who find my blog while searching for places to go out in Silicon Valley or when moving into town. I try my best to entertain, and while finding very little success, I thank you for your support.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor
P.S. There's a really good website at http://www.girlsonamap.com/ that let's you see what girls look like all around the world and find out what they're like. I also wrote a book, "Berating Others On Your Way to a Lifetime of Happiness: That, and Dating Around the World" for everything you need to know about "picking up" women. It's a funny take with proven, personal anecdotes for countries all around the world. Don't believe me - read the reviews! It's available on Amazon here.