What Countries/Ethnicities Have Women Who Age Well?

Out of all the preposterous posts I have ever written, this one has the potential to offend the most people.... so what are we waiting for!?! (FYI: I've been watching a lot of The Family Guy, plus I haven't posted in awhile - give me a break!)

Month after month, the most read post in my blog portfolio is found through the search terms, "Icelandic women," "women of Iceland," and "easiest women in the world." Whoever thought my core readership is full of chauvinistic, perverted, testosterone-fueled men is WAY off base. I'd like to think of us as promiscuously curious. Sounds much better - don't you think?

Well, not only are we curious, we are eager at debating the merits of beauty in Iceland and many others places we can't pronounce. (Next thing you know, they'll ask us to spell "Rizzuto" in cursive!) Take for instance this recent comment left on my "World's Easiest Women: Iceland" blog post:

"I graduated High School at the NATO base in Iceland and it is true that the Icelandic women, say from 18-30. look very good and are rather promiscuous. They are not all blondes and some of the prettiest Icelandic girls I knew had sandy to brown hair. It was not uncommon for NY modeling agencies to send scouts up to review seniors graduating from High School. Three of my icelandic friends received modeling contracts while I was there. BUT ... I'm not sure if it's the weather, diet, or marriage; but Icelandic women do not age gracefully. Most Icelandic women in their 40s-50s were rather pudgy and just looked like they quit taking care of themselves. I never met a Icelandic girl between 18-25 who was heavy. I did not meet one Icelandic woman over 40 who was thin."

Well said, my friend. Well said. We are not the "pudgy"-lover-types!

It kind of make you want to give an Arsenio: "hmmm...." What countries and ethnic backgrounds feature women who age well? Because, let's face it, as noble as this thing called "love" is, as men, we still want a hot milf for a wife at 50, rather than a dumpy, wrinkled, dilapidated version of the woman we fell in "love" (or lust) with. Ok, ok, I'm the asshole here. You want my food? Because I don't want it. I would never eat here.

Let us begin with the ethnicities and my assessment of whether or not they'll age gracefully. Having lived in California, there's not much we don't have (or that I haven't dated: Chinese, Polish, Mexican, Dog, Ape, Chimp, Cockroach....).

Chinese: They will age well, but you will have to deal with their face visors and white gloves that cover up their exposed skin from the aging Devil, called the sun. You like Nicole Kidman and Kirsten Dunst's ghost-like skin? Then go Chinese.

Japanese: These women will age well, wear lots of makeup, and lose about 7 inches in height.

Korean: Koreans are most likely to date outside of their Asian ethnic background, so I'm tellin' you there's a chance...... Although, you will have to deal with deteriorating conversation skills and an enlarging face. (Holy sh*t! I'm going to hell. Family Guy, Family Guy, Family Guy...)

Vietnamese: These women will age remarkably well. Not only will they not gain much weight, but they also will not improve upon their English skills for as long as you know them.

Indian: Indians age pretty well, but it'll be hard to tell if they ever gain any weight, since their clothing will continue to get larger and baggier. Don't expect them to smile.

Mexican: As curvaceous and sexy as a latina can be in their youth, you can add about 15 pounds for each kid that pops out. This weight will never be lost. The good news? Their clothes will continue to get tighter to make up for the added weight!

American Black: Like Asians, black women age well. The weight they'll gain will go to their boobs and hips. And then.... their boobs and more hips.... Until they are touching.

English: They will look 10 years older than they really are and cease to wear makeup anymore. They will also refuse to invest in any hair-dying products as their hair hits complete white at 40.

Polish: These women are hot. But the lack of money in their home country means no infrastructure investment in 24 Hour Fitnesses. So as long as they don't adopt American fast-food eating habits, you're in good shape. (Get it?!?! Shape? Haha, I'm funny and clever. Also, retarded.)

Russian: I don't have many qualms about the Russian women I've met and seen. I think they age well, stay relatively in-shape, and are quick to pick up important habits: like working out, cooking, and cleaning. (Kidding.) Although, when they talk to their friends in their native language, it will sound very angry and you'll flash back to all those movies where the Russians are the bad guys and worry that you'll be murdered in your sleep. (Not kidding.)

Iranian/Persian: They will look good, but you will probably stop getting some after marriage. You will also have to hold many, many shopping bags at the mall, or worse yet, have to open a joint banking account.

Greek: These women age year-by-year until 40. Then all of a sudden, they look 80.

Italians: I like the Italians, but their love for the sun will make their faces look like dried leather by 50.

French: They will stop shaving their armpits and legs... oh wait, that's already happened. Their conversation and intellect will continue to improve, but you will have to be a hair-lover.

American White: Well, I saved the most complicated for last. What can you say? We live in a culture of extreme and instant gratification. Either the women will just let it go from instant fast-food gratification, or fix themselves immediately with plastic surgery gratification.

Now that I've managed to offend the entire female species, I will go back to dating cockroaches. The male ones.

Sincerely,
Kevin
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. Feel free to contribute to this list!

Life After Journalism: Being Ridiculously Good-Looking Doesn't Hurt

I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride the other day when I saw Matt Keller and Maureen Naylor, two former coworkers of mine in Redding, CA, reporting for San Francisco news stations. They had made it to the major leagues after years of toiling in smaller markets across the country. Matt and I had had our run-ins when we worked together, but I couldn’t have been happier if it had been myself. OK, that’s a lie. I would have been slightly happier, but I was still happy nonetheless.

I will use baseball analogies to explain. Although I never played competitive baseball, I'm quite certain I would’ve been the best to ever have played the game. Ruth, Aaron, Mantle, Bonds, Leu. Instead, I went into competitive journalism and competitive sleeping. In one, I ended up a world class champion: A major league all-star. The other, I ended up in Triple A and then retired. That’s the way I like to look at journalism – in baseball terms. The other way I look at it is in sexual terms, but that is for my own delight.

Let me lay down the nuts and bolts. Every aspiring journalist has to start out in rookie ball or Single A in some Podunk town across the U.S. (No offense if you’re a Podunk town.) I was no different, despite my obvious good lucks and deep baritone voice that made James Earl Jones sound like Fran Drescher.

I was not only a part of Single A ball in Pocatello, ID (Market #162), but I was so good, I got to be a part of Single A ball in Redding, CA (Market #130), as well! The way it works is you put in your time, get better, and the Double A’s and Triple A’s (and sometimes, but rarely, the Majors) come calling! At least that’s the way it’s supposed to work. If you don’t get better, you toil away in the minors like Bull Durham for the rest of your lives…. or until you realize you suck or you need to make real money.

Now, as if it wasn’t hard enough to make it to the majors already (markets #1 – 25), journalists now have to deal with the changing economy of news deliverance, which has affected revenue and number of jobs. That’s why seeing Matt and Maureen make it to SF (market #6) was so refreshing, considering the multitude of circumstances (fierce competition, looks, voice, story-telling, writing, style, etc.) Many more of my former colleagues are still chasing the dream, while others are out by choice or by force. I won’t highlight the friends who didn’t make it, but I’m proud of the ones that are representing a proud, (dysfunctional - yes), but proud television family.

Pocatello, ID, #162 (2002- 2003):
- Jessica Sanchez – Orlando, FL (market #19)
- Javier Soto – Phoenix, AZ (market #12)

Redding, CA, #130 (2003 – 2005):
- Koula Gianulias – Sacramento, CA (market #20)
- Matt Keller – San Francisco, CA (market #6)
- Maureen Naylor – San Francisco, CA (market #6)
- Dave Owens – Washington, DC (market #9)
- Louisa Hodge – Sacramento, CA (market #20 )

Columbus, OH, #32 (2005 – 2006)
- Anne Allred – Boston, MA (market #7)
- Simone Wilkinson – Denver, CO (market #18)

Columbus is already a pretty darn good market, so not everyone is trying to move up. Anne and Simone are superstars, so it’ll be fun to follow their careers. Hopefully one person in this above group will make become an All-Star (New York #1, Los Angeles #2, network news, or a national cable show).

Congratulations to those who had the perseverance and determination to make it all the way. All I know is that it was a fun, exhilarating ride for me, full of challenges and character-defining moments. And while I look back with much fondness, I’m happier where I am now, and I hope those that also are out of the business feel the same. I estimate that about 30 - 40% of the reporters I worked with over the years are now out of the business. For the other 60%, the industry may not look so hot right now, but hopefully your news directors will wake up. If not, there is much in life to explore and I’ve realized that limiting yourself to one career or goal is an insult to the wealth of opportunities and experiences that God has given us in this world.

And if for some reason you still can’t capitalize, at least you’ll lead a life ridiculously good-looking. People just give you stuff for free: alcohol poisoning, dirty looks, herpes.... you name it. It's great!

With all my best wishes,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

Incompetence in our Local Newsrooms: Why Google Isn't the Only One to Blame

"It is also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy -- it's what makes this thing work." - President Barack Obama addressing journalists at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner.

Journalism, as we know it today, is in the midst of an almost irreversible collapse. Without some kind of sweeping legislative initiative or major management overhaul, our nation's single greatest checks and balances is headed for a perilous death. Most people could care less, and rightfully so. They have to worry about keeping their jobs (if they're lucky enough to have one), paying the bills, and feeding their families. But while we worry about our immediate future, let's not forget about the long-term implications of a weakened journalistic infrastructure.

Without good investigatory journalism, would we have ever had found out about Eliot Spitzer, Gary Condit, Marion Barry, or Richard Nixon? Would the war in Vietnam have ever ended had we just listened to politicians "tell" us how the war was going and not seen for ourselves the startling images taken along the front lines of civilian casualties and those of weary, exhausted American soldiers? If history is any indicator, politicians will always paint the picture that will help promote their agenda. Democrats and Republicans are both guilty. Journalism informs the public of what happens with their tax dollars and what is NOT happening with their tax dollars.

But it's not just about government regulations, it's about humanity. Journalism tells us what is right and what is wrong in our society. They paint a picture of crime and they humanize its victims. Would we feel the same anger and urgency in the search for the truth, were it not for emotional testimony, interviews, and images of Laci Peterson and her family? What about Elizabeth Smart? Would we care or volunteer our time to search for strangers missing for days if we had no one to paint the picture of who it is we're missing? Would criminals run more rampant if they didn't see what happens to those who molest children or murder otherwise faceless victims? Would our idols in the sports world transcend the screen to influence our children and future leaders of tomorrow with the acceptance of cheating and illegal drug abuse, if not for the demonization of those who looked into the camera and lied to our faces?

Journalism is not flawless. It has its faults. The leaders and management have grossly, and stubbornly refused to pay attention to a changing landscape of technology and deliverance of news. Some of its reporters can have an air of authority that borders on the edge of arrogance and pompousness, but these are small flaws in a humbling industry, desperately in need of resources to perform its important function in our society. While old media management slowly drags its ten-ton feet by making sweeping cuts across the board, old media management stays intact as those that are the pillars of our democracy are shown the door.

Journalism will be reinvented, only with far smaller resources, even less pay than before, and a dwindling talent pool - as bright college students choose a career with a less-debatable future. While the big networks and papers are making some important (and sometimes impressive) changes, it's the locally-owned affiliates and dailies that cover our nation that are truly in need of help. They will continue to be several steps behind if their big-pocketed, big-media parents don't help out in an aggressive way. Many of these affiliates have old-school media types heading their news teams. I personally worked for several who wouldn't be caught dead on an online social network.

I can tell you this much for sure: adding your station call letters or newspaper to Twitter and Facebook will not answer anything unless you understand how these sites are becoming so addictive to a new generation. The solution is a management that is willing to swallow its pride and ask a much younger constituent what it means to them when they add a link to their Facebook profile. The solution is making way to hire an MIT grad, or a Stanford GSB student every couple of years to understand the changing technologies and be one step ahead. The solution is to make your television show a subtle, virtual landscape that allows you to "follow" reporters as they go on a story through constant Twitter-like updates and on-body cameras during breaking news. The solution is real events as they're unfolding and the thoughts as they're being uncovered. The solution is a more interactive news product with real-time pageview statistics that will allow you to figure out what story will lead your newscast or cover the front page.

And finally, news organizations must realize that Google is a window to their content. With very few news organizations a destination website, there is no other way around it. A new generation of news seekers get their news through a search engine search. Take for instance these two stories from two local stations in the Bay Area (KTVU and KNTV) on the same story:

KNTV: http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Cell-Video-Key-in-BART-Shooting-Case-Hearing-Today.html

KTVU: http://www.ktvu.com/news/19491244/detail.html

Notice major differences in the URL? One station has major "searchable" words in the URL: "Cell" "Video" "Key" "BART" "Shooting" "Hearing".

The other station? "19491244". Which station's story do you think will show up in a search engine? These are basics in the web world that have been employed for years! And the station in question is in the nation's #5 ranked news market of San Francisco. If a news station can't get it right in SILICON VALLEY - of all places - what hope do we have for news organizations in, say, Pocatello, Idaho?

The other day, I sat around with a group of journalists over dinner and listened intently as they spoke about the murdered journalist and editor of the Oakland Post, Chauncey Bailey. Bailey had been researching and preparing a story on violence and financial fraud of Your Black Muslim Bakery, which has since been found to be linked to 8 unsolved murders. Bailey's courage and integrity in investigating such a dangerous organization, should be commended. At the dinner table, I was engrossed in the natural story-telling ability of these journalists - some of whom were continuing Chauncey Bailey's research, and had uncovered decades worth of possible criminal activity and unsolved murders from the bakery.

When faced with adversity, these journalists heeded the call to not let our strongest pillar of democracy weaken through the cowardly act of others. Journalists have faced many struggles in bringing us the truth in countries fighting for the democracy and rights we have in places like China, Darfur, Burma, Iraq, and Afghanistan - many times paying with their lives. My journalism friends have faced far worse adversity than what they have seen in the current woes of their industry, but this time, the enemy is in front of them. The adversary is the the News Director and the ones they who put them in place. Unfortunately, unlike the auto and financial industry, Congress cannot hold this group accountable.

They are destined to make more cuts and consolidate their staff, lowering the quality of our journalism and the strength of our democracy, when they have no one to blame but themselves. What I've outlined will not be a cure-all, but it's proactive, rather than reactive. It's too bad our nation's journalists can't investigate and report on the incompetence at the head of their own newsrooms. It would be a pretty darn-good story to read.

Sincerely,
Kevin Leu

The Best Singles Spots, Bars, and Clubs of Rio De Janeiro!

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but like me, Brazil has gotten to be kind of a big deal. They started out with that Pele guy, and Gisele became a so-so model, and then Snoop and Pharrell went and sang that song Beautiful in Rio De Janeiro, but then InBev went and bought our American beer company, Anheuser-Busch! Brazil might as well p*ss on our heads. Because I like urine and frontrunners, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and head for a visit! They make take our beer, but by George, I will take their women and NEVER call them again! (Well, maybe add them on Facebook and exchange a message or two, but that’s it.)



As I got off the plane, draped in my USA flag and body paint, chanting ‘U-S-A, U-S-A,’ I was not immediately struck by any women that even remotely resembled the women in the Beautiful video. I was disappointed. Snoop Dogg lied to me after years of drinking Gin and Juice, with my mind on my money and my money on my mind, in his honor. I would never buy his CD again. Other than future bedroom boycotting of doggystyle, I also had a lot of reservations about my visit from numerous people who had told me they had been mugged in Rio, so I had actually come to terms that it would happen.

First of all, words spelled in Portuguese don’t sound anything like they would if you pronounced them the way English letters or even Spanish letters are pronounced. This was a pity since my Spanish is like hypnosis when spoken into a woman’s ear and the bass in my voice is like cocaine. I would have to rely on my dizzying good lucks and my amazing hip movements, which have been known to make Travolta look like a hobo.



As I recommend with every country, start at the Irish Pub and talk to English speakers to get a good sense of where you should go for the week. The dollar is currently strong, of course, not as strong as in Argentina, but you still get roughly 2 for the price of 1. It was at Shenanigan’s where I first got the indication of how stunning a Brazilian can look. Too bad it was a group of high school girls! That’s one thing about Brazil, and most every other country for that matter, the drinking age is low. I’m not sure how low, but I hear you can get into clubs and bars around 16. As for me, I stopped hitting on 16 year olds a long time ago. 2008 was my last year.

Anyhow, amongst the best places I went to were Nuth on Sunday, Melt on Wednesday, and Londra at Hotel Fasano on Friday and Saturday. Let me reiterate Londra. It was single-handedly the BEST place I have ever, EVER been in my life. First of all, it’s 80 Real to get in, which is like a$35 entrance fee! But it’s worth it! I was chatting it up with real estate developers from Dubai and the place just looked and smelled of money. When I first got there at 11:30, the place was dead, but around midnight, so many hot women began coming in that I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom to check to see if I looked ok! When the dust had settled, the ratio was like 4 to 1, female to male, and any ONE of the ladies in Londra would easily be the hottest girl at a club in the states. You know you have it good when rich, hot, cougars have their own table and invite you over to drink from THEIR champagne and pay for your cocktails!



I don’t think I ever got the name of any girl in Brazil. It wasn’t necessary. We all spoke the language of love! But seriously, people make-out at clubs at a much greater clip that we do here in the states. And people don’t judge! I love it! We’re such prudes here in the states. Always judgmental – otherwise known as haters.



The drink of choice in Brazil is a Caipirinha, made from a liquor called Cachaca – much different from Argentina’s Fernet - but a little too soft and fruity for my taste. I like drinks that make you gag. Then you know it’s strong and you’ll get drunk quicker! I’m very economical. The way you get drinks is a little different as well. They give you a receipt right at the start and you use that to get drinks throughout the night. It’s like getting chips in Vegas to play card games - it doesn’t feel like money until you’ve spent it! At the end of the night, you have to check-out to leave, where they give you another receipt to get out. P.S. the windows in the bathrooms are tightly closed and too small to fit a 6 foot, 170 pound, muscularly-built body – or so I’m told.

Now back to getting mugged. It didn’t happen! In fact, I never felt threatened at all, even though we stayed in a supposedly dangerous area of Copacabana. As long as you take taxis everywhere, never wear jewelry or watches, and have extremely large muscles like me, you’ll be fine. I’m glad I didn’t watch City of God before I left, that movie would have had me watching TV in my room every night. I think most of the would-be criminals were intimidated by my large pectorals and latismus dorsi, not to mention my mangina.



The people are very nice and the women.... OMG! Oh my God, I just wrote "OMG". I DO have a mangina! Anyway, that’s just how hot some of the women are! Although, unlike Argentina, where the women are pretty consistently above average, it was really very hit or miss in Brazil. The hits were amazing, but the misses had my beer goggles shaking in their boots! Not an easy accomplishment. One more thing, before you go, you need a Brazilian VISA!!!!!! I almost vomited when I was told I needed one at SFO a few hours before I was to depart. Luckily, American Airlines allowed me to dip into my drug money to buy a brand new ticket into Argentina first. Tickets are cheap when you buy them the day-of. Thanks, AA!

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor