What a Cool Bachelor Does in His Spare Time

I'll admit it - I'm tired of writing posts to entertain you. Sure, I see the precipitous drop in traffic lately as I focus on myself. And you know what? It really bothers my ego. So what that I'm not writing as many posts as I used to? Go back and read my same posts over and over again, laughing yourself to sleep. Why not? I do it.

Over on the right hand side of this blog are some of my favorites. I drink wine and read them on Friday and Saturday nights. Then I commend myself for a job well done! I turn off the lights, put on a little Willie Nelson, and turn the thermostat up so I can wear as little amount of clothing as possible - the rest of what I do is available on my web cam for as little as $9.95 a year. I know, it's cheap. It's a tough economy, my friends. President Obama's speech really inspired me to give back to the greater good.

In related news, I sold you all out! I put advertisements on my blog! And one company (not naming any names), paid me to put a link on my site (can you find it?). Who woulda thought that I could make money on this meaningless jibberish? I am going to take that $5 a year and move to Tahiti. But I promise I will not sell you out any further. The integrity of my audience is important to me. That's why if you help me transfer $12 million dollars from South Africa to the U.S., I will pay you $1 million. You see, brother dignitary, I recently came into a large inheritance that is stuck in legal wranglings. It is my wish to donate the remaining $11 million to fight polio and research the common cold. Email me your bank account info and I will make you the beneficiary to withdraw my money. I have never met you, but I trust you with this $12 million dollars.

Finally, the reason behind my lack of postings.... my screenplay is at the finish line. The third draft is almost done, but I still have like 20 pages to trim. It's sad. It's like trying to figure out what limb to cut off. Which finger is least important? I'd go with the ring finger. I'd probably also cut off my middle toe, my left ear, both kneecaps, and if need be, my left arm. See how hard it is?!?! I killed a character yesterday! KILLED!!!! These are characters and scenes I've nurtured and developed. I've grown to love them. AND NOW I'M KILLING THEM!!!!!

INT. CUPERTINO HOUSE - NIGHT

Rain falls angry against the windowsill. KEVIN LEU, 30, rugged, handsome, devastatingly charming, works tirelessly to complete his life's work. He sits with a glass of wine fit for a hobo, wearing nothing but a pair of silk boxers. His muscles are defined even as he sits hunched over the computer screen. He talks to his split personality.

KEVIN LEU
Daaammmnnn! I am good. Who taught me to write this way?

KEVIN
No one. You are God.

KEVIN LEU
Oh, stop it. Silly....

KEVIN
No, I'm serious. You constantly amaze me.

KEVIN LEU
You're too kind.

KEVIN
Thank goodness we choose to have no friends. No one can keep up with such dizzying intellectual conversation.

KEVIN LEU
This is true.

KEVIN
I like having you all to myself.

KEVIN LEU
What are you waiting for? Let's do this!

Wild sex scene.

The End
Roll Credits

Written by Kevin Leu

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3 comments :

  1. You are plain crazy.... please put some shirt on lol.... I know Vegas must have been a blast according to the pics =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. how did i miss this disturbing piece of literature?!

    apparently you've never been a woman bc we womens play the "where would you like to relocate your fat to?" my answer: from my belly to my ears. who cares if you have fat ears, am i right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why would you have to relocate it anywhere? Just inject it into some hapless squirrel for fun! Then afterwards feed an alka seltzer to a pelican and see what happens!

    ReplyDelete

 
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