Valentine's Day Weekend in Vegas: A Remembrance

There's a big difference between partying in Vegas in your 20s and partying in your 30s. Mainly, I remember things. What a bummer. I can totally handle my alcohol now and that SUCKS! For instance, here's a list of things I remember, but wish I hadn't:
  • I remember vomiting in my mouth just a little.
  • I remember the $16 drinks.
  • I remember the feeling of my legs being tired from dancing.
  • I remember thinking, "man, I hope this club closes soon so I can go home and sleep."
  • I remember how women just weren't that good looking.
  • And I remember hanging on a ledge from my hotel window.

Oh how sad. I long for the days when it was all just a blur and I'd wake up naked next to a fat girl, a hairy man, and a stuffed pink elephant. Well.... times change - just like the hotspots of Vegas. Everything there has a limited shelf life, so take my review of Tao Nightclub and XS with a grain of salt. Chances are, if you come across this post in 2 months, this assessment will no longer matter much. Since the subject will be irrelevant, I'll try and be somewhat entertaining in my review.

First of all, I have to send out my sincerest gratitute towards Maggie Feldman for "hookin it up" at Tao Nightclub at the Venetian. No pretension, no line, no hassle - a rarity in Vegas. It definitely gave me a newfound level of respect from my friends - some of whom even bothered to remember my name that evening! It's Kevin, btw.

- Friend: "Hey man, that was awesome. What did you say your name was?"

- Me: "Umm, Kevin..... we were college roommates."

- Friend: "Oh..... yeah. I totally remember that. Alright, John, talk to you later!"

- Me: (yelling out to already walking away friend) "I gained like 3 pounds since then - it's throwing everyone off. I'll see you back at the room!"

While Tao was aesthetically and architecturally beautiful, the clientele was subpar, at best. I think this might have something to do with hot girls probably having boyfriends or guys clamoring to take them out on a romantic Valentine's Day dinner and evening. What I don't understand is why a woman wouldn't want to trade that in for a hot one night stand at a Vegas nightclub? Women!!! I just don't get them.

Well, anyway, the setup was done in an Asian fusion style - which is all the rage right now. The best part of the evening was the two women who had rose petals covering up their nipples as they danced sensually with each other in the bathtub located in the middle of the club. After about 2 hours of nonstop watching, I turned to see what else was going on in the club.


After about 20 seconds, I turned back to the bathtub dancing ladies and proceeded to watch until 5am. I stood as close to the velvet ropes as possible. I think one of them made eye contact with me. It was a successful night.


The next night we went to XS at Encore - the new tower of the Wynn Casino. XS just opened on New Year's and I have to say it was BEAUTIFUL. I was reading that it was one of the most expensive nightclubs ever built. At $100 million, I don't know what that buys you in nightclub dollars, but it'd only be like 10 drinks sold before you've recouped your money. The drinks were an outlandish $16, but it only hurts because I don't normally remember stuff like that. The pool that the club opened out to was also BEAUTIFUL. I was in awe. I liked the open, clean, bright set-up. It was fresh and vibrant. And I was old and stale.


The clientele was a definite upgrade, but still lacking from most weekends I've been in Vegas. Maybe most people work on President's Day, but not college students. If you ever want to meet college chicks, go to Vegas on a 3 day weekend when most people have to work. Me!?!? I don't like college girls: young, freaky, vibrant, dresses made from a handkerchief, promiscuous following one Alabama Slammer, no questions...... What a buzzkill.

I had to follow-up such a horrendous night at The Palm's where McDonald's is located. I ate one Big Mac and one Quarter Pounder with cheese. It was goooooood. But it came up a little bit when I was gagging later on that night. That was not as gooooood.

In summary, go to McDonald's early to avoid the lines.... and don't forget to wear rose petals over your nipples. Tell em, Kevin sent you.

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. Rest in peace my favorite clubs of yesteryear: Rum Jungle, Rain, Body English, Pure....

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