How You'll Know When It's Time to Break-Up With Someone

While I'm probably the last person to give good advice on how to make a relationship last, I have plenty of experience on ending them (or at least making the other party feel like they should end it). Maybe I'm a little quick to jump the gun, but here are some sure signs that you should probably end your relationship and start the New Year off right!

1. You Don't Compromise - And I'm not talking about showering when you don't want to, I'm talking about doing things that make her happy, like going to the ballet even though there's a perfectly good football game on TV. Remember that wonderful line in As Good As It Gets, where Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt that she makes him want to be a better person? You should always feel like you have to earn that love - too often we forget that. And if you don't feel that way - it's time to move on.

2. You Argue All the Time - If you spend at least 1 out of the 7 days of the week arguing about something, that is one day too much. I feel like the older I get, the less I've had to argue or want to argue. I like communicating and ... wait for it.... compromising! I truly feel some people spend too much time with their significant others, which will inevitably lead to a short fuse and annoyance. Spend time with your other friends, the time apart makes you appreciate the loved one in your life. (Or who knows, if you find that you are dreading going back, then: tah dah! End it.)

3. Your Values are Completely Opposite - I'm not talking about, 'she likes funny movies, I like action (preferably naked),' I'm talking about, 'she's a smoker,' or 'he doesn't want kids,' or 'she thinks George W. will be vindicated' - things like that. Believe me - I've embraced the dating of complete opposites. I enjoy learning things from people that break the mold of 'who I am' or 'what other people think I should be,' but there are just some lifestyle choices that ultimately don't work out in the long-run.

4. You Feel Insecure - If you're going out with the right person, you should never feel belittled, degraded, or inconsequential. A lot of guys will do this to play mental games with women. I haven't seen it as much with my female friends, but guys will do this because they feel insecure about themselves. Much like the military, they will try to break you down as an individual, and build you back up as a component of themselves. You will feel like you can't hang out with your friends, or you need his approval, or you aren't good enough. I despise these types of low-level thugs. Your relationship should be built on trust, honesty, and respect, and continue to grow from two beautiful minds, rather than from the will of one caveman, who will lead you nowhere, physically and mentally.

5. You've Already Broken Up Before - Finally, this is probably one of my biggest relationship pet peaves. If you've broken up with your ex in the past, not 'taking a break,' but full-on, 'it's over!' mode, I guarantee that your relationship will not stand the test of time. In all my life asking people about how they got married, how they met, etc., I've never once heard in my life a story of a couple who lived happily ever after, when they've already broken up several times. There's two things about people who break up, only to come back together. #1: They're naive, because they always think the other person has changed for the better. Give it a month of bliss, before the old demon rears it's ugly head again. #2: They're too impulsive. If you can quickly break up with someone, then you don't have the skills to make it through a relationship (or this relationship) that will face far more tribulations in life that so far doesn't include: home ownership, in-laws, children, and menopause, just to name a few.

This New Year, I wish you all the best in your relationship endeavors. Life is short - make good, firm, honest decisions. Stay humble and modest.

Yours Truly,
Kevin L.
The Awsomest Silicon Valley Bachelor Ever

Looking for Friends - Must Love Travel

There's something about that first step you take onto foreign soil and realize that almost every social mores you grew up with, has a decidedly different spin. That's what I love about visiting a new country. Whereas we've been ingrained with 40 hour work weeks, eye contact, social distance, elbows off the table, political correctness, American dominance - it's the learning of an entirely new civilization that truly humbles and engages me.

Hello Everyone. This is a sad post. I am looking for friends. Preferably ones that live in the Cupertino/South Bay area of Northern California and love to travel. You see, most of my friends live in San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, and a few live in Columbus, Portland, one in Orlando, but very few live in the suburbs of San Jose. The greater problem is that I need friends to travel with. In college, this was not such a difficult proposition, as many of my friends would happily spend their parent's money, skip school, and embark on the next destination of debauchery. The first few years, post-college, were not that difficult either, since most people had yet to find that significant other that would ROB them of their time with me!!!! Now there are many extenuating circumstances, I understand:

1. The economy
2. Mortgage payments for a depreciating property
3. The ball and chain
4. Student loan payments
5. Job stability
6. Bills

I have been steadily recruiting friends for a trip to South America since August, to no avail. As many of you know, I am an avid lover of travel to foreign destinations and to beaches. I wrote a post in the past for the best beach destinations for single people that was generally well-regarded. (At least 10 people read that post!) I've told everyone and anyone that I am always down to go on a trip - as long as you give me at least 3 weeks notice. I wish other people could just say 'Yes' a little more as well.

I have two trips I need friends for. I still want to go to Brazil/Argentina in the last week of January, first week of February and I'm at the point where I think I may just go by myself. Life is too short. The other trip is one to the Fiesta Bowl in Phoenix on January 5th. I have 2 tickets. Please email me at SVBachelor@gmail.com if you'd like to be my travel/party buddy.

You must like, but in no way need to be good at any of these:

1. Drinking
2. Partying
3. Dancing
4. Beaches
5. Venturing away from tourist hot spots
6. Meeting the locals
7. Trying local cuisine
8. and most importantly, Laughter

We could have SOOO much fun together as future traveling buddies! Just paste your face into the pics below and see what a great time we could have!

Here's a pic of my current friends. They're at least 2 years away from drinking age.

We can hang out in Cleveland and be close enough to smell Lebron's baby mama's hair.

Endless hours of karaoke, listening to me sing Enrique's 'Hero.'

Hunting for food in turquoise water.

Two words: Carne Asada Fries

No need for Laker's floor seat when the Clippers are the hottest show in Los Angeles.

Midnight breaks at the clubs to conserve energy for late night food.

Football against women - sometimes we win.

Water taxis to scout locations to do nothing.

Zip line tours through the rain forests of Costa Rica.... while stradling men.

Quality control for ice sculptures.

Casino openings in foreign countries.

Many hours of creative play time.

Buckets of beer in Playa Del Carmen.

Road trips to nowhere (also known as Nebraska).

Late night runs to White Castle, but friend candidate must be Indian for this option.

Watching the Niners lose another one.... But HEY, is that Peyton Manning?!?

And finally, checking out hot ass of visiting teams in Orlando.

OK. So who's coming with me??!?!

Sincerely,

Kevin L.

The Silicon Valley Bachelor

How to Get Over a Woman

In the grand scheme of things, everything will be ok. It's been a long time since I've heard anyone wail uncontrollably about the 'end of their life,' since.... well.... not since I did it when JT went off to start his solo career, thus ending N'Sync as we know it. And while Lance Bass did Dancing with the Stars recently, J.C. Chasez was a judge on America's Best Dance Crew, and Joey Fatone was in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I still fret about poor Chris Kirkpatrick. What ever will he do for the rest of his life!!?! That selfish Timberlake!

Well, enough about me and my miseries - this post is about a few friends who are getting over a woman. Fortunately, they have me - the most awesomest, handsomest, humblest, modest, funniest guy in the world! I'm a pretty, darn good wing-man too I must say. And while my friend in San Francisco needs no emotional help with his break-up, my friend in Texas is in pain; and that's ok. I'm a big fan of pain. It lets us know we're human and it makes the joys in life feel that much better. I sobbed into my pillow for at least a week when JT wouldn't come back to N'Sync after his "so-called" successful solo career. Although I'll argue seven #1 hits hardly constitutes a success.

Where were we again!?!? Did I already tell you how awesome I am yet, in relation to other people's problems? Well, everyone should grieve right away. Just get it out of the way. If it takes seven days - so be it. When you're all done, eventually you'll look up one day and be like, 'this is stupid, I'm going to go eat Chipotle now,' then you'll laugh and look at yourself in the mirror and be like, 'nice! I lost some good weight and all that crying made my cheekbones stick out.' Girls, this applies to you too. You'll be like, 'hey, I can see my rib cage. Eat your heart out Kate Moss!' Guys will be like, 'I look like Brad Pitt in Snatch!' And then you can start mumbling in Irish jibberish and laugh at yourself in the mirror and hope no one saw you in your moment of retardation.

After this moment of self-adulation, I for sure hope you didn't neglect the friends you had before Sample A was in the picture, because those are the friends who will come through for you now. Although there are exceptions for the neglected - say for instance you're rich, or have a big-screen television, are in close proximity to a fun club, or have a hot sister - we'll overlook the fact that we never saw you for the entire tenure of Sample A. Gather up these friends and hit up the town as much as possible. If your friends are worthy of their title, they will be doing everything in their power to make sure hot girls are coming your way all night. If you're a quality friend/wing-man, you'll want your beleaguered friend to hook up more than you'll want yourself to. While hooking up with random girls will not fill that empty void - the memories of hanging with your friends back when times were still innocent will be a welcome relief.

After you have successfully re-engaged your friends as a member of the single community, branch out and try new things. Make sure you do things that you never thought you would do, like Yoga or Karaoking or listening to the opposite sex. All the anxiety you build up from knowing you're about to embark on something that isn't really like you, will also be a welcome relief from the worries of your recent break-up. Most likely you've spent your previous relationship months and years mired in routine and doing things your mate likes - it's now time to break that routine with a vengeance!

Life has too many joys and hidden gems that we should be constantly exploring - unfortunately, we have so little time. Say 'YES' a little more to free yourself from the demons of your past. Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, I've failed more than I've succeeded, but I know success and happiness is quite possibly around every corner and under each rock - you can be sure I'll be getting my hands dirty, no matter what life throws at me. You should do the same.

To my friends, with the utmost sincerity,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

Journalism Blues - How to Save Traditional Media

9,384 journalism-related jobs have been lost since September 15, 2008, according to UNITY: Journalists of Color. While that doesn't seem like a lot compared to the 107,000 laid off in the tech sector since August (according to TechCrunch), or the 35,000 that Bank of America plans to cut over the next three years, let's keep in mind that there aren't that many journalists to begin with. Engineers, doctors, plumbers, business owners, teachers - they're a dime a dozen, no offense, but you meet those occupations all the time. The top 25 biggest cities in the U.S. might have 100 journalists total in their market. That number gets decidedly smaller all the way down to just a handful in the smallest market of #259.

Let's make no mistake that journalists have earned a bad rap as soul-less story-mongers, who would sell-out their mother (or at least Newt Gingrich's) for a juicy story. Who can love someone who sticks a microphone in the face of someone in the midst of their greatest tragedy? With that in mind, let's also acknowledge that journalists act as the greatest checks and balances of our society. Without journalism, there would be almost no accountability amongst politicians and their constituents. Many Government officials feel like they can operate with impunity. Without the glaring eye of the media, American citizens and voters would not be able to hold the Rumsfelds, the Ted Stevens, and the Blagojevich's of the world accountable.

All of this does not mean that journalists should walk around with that smug sense of entitlement that many of them do. Some of those at the top have given a bad reputation to the journalists in the middle who face a daily, internal battle of duty and sensitivity. I have many friends in the business who have been yelled at, pushed, or ignored for trying to get the story. Let us also remember that telling the story of the fallen, painting a picture of a victim, brings with it awareness of the crime, community support, renewed efforts from law enforcement, and even legislative action.

While Wall Street and Detroit are getting bailouts, my friends in the journalism business need help as well. Advertising dollars will NEVER go into traditional media - television, radio, newspaper, and print - the way they once did. There are too many options on the web to get your news instantaneously, rather than waiting for the 11 o'clock news or the morning paper. The strategy that needs to be embraced by old media hands will be almost impossible to implement with current management. You can't have old-school learning on the fly to implement habits they don't understand.

What the media companies should do in EVERY market, is embrace a multi-tiered media strategy. Rather than trying to drive traffic to their main website or station call letters, they must buy dozens of domain names in their particular region, build out the sites, and brand them. For instance, let's say you're currently trying to drive traffic to www.kidk.com (my former station in Idaho). At the end of each report or segment, the reporter goes, "to find our more, visit our website at K-I-D-K-Dot-Com." This is done with crime, weather, entertainment, sports, and everything inbetween. It's too much. You're asking your viewers, who already have a limited attention span, to do too much. Have you ever been on a news station's website? It's a convoluted mess. The entry way to people's desires these days are through the search engines named Google and Yahoo and MSN.

My former station should begin buying domain names like PocatelloWeather.com, IdahoFallsEntertainment.com, HighSchoolSportsPocatello.com, or IdahoFallsElections.com NOW before the other stations buy them. They should know that that is how people will find these sites, by entering the exact search terms of those domain names. No one is going to KIDK.com for anything unless you half report the story, and tell viewers that the other half is on the website. Good luck keeping those viewers though when they can run off and watch the other two network affiliates in town.

The advertising dollars will never be the same margin as what used to work, but something must be done now to give advertisers more options from a multi-tiered media strategy. The sites you brand will ultimately be connected to your main entity and make your core business a stronger, and more attractive one.

As for the journalists who are losing their jobs, you must realize that this medium has seen it's best days gone by. There will NEVER be an increase in journalism jobs or pay. Luckily, most people I knew were in it for the right reasons - they loved the trade, wanted to help people out, or just loved seeing their face on TV (not that that was me or anything). The good news is that we can always continue our trade of citizen journalism through blogs. You won't make much, but you're insatiable love for writing and telling a story will be somewhat fulfilled.

I wish my fellow-journalists, (if I'm allowed to still call myself that), the best in wherever this crossroads will lead. But remember, there are still many undefined regions and opportunites of an evolving medium still to come. Traditional media isn't dead, it just hasn't evolved in a long time. The time is now for change. For once, don't wait for the news to happen - make it happen.

Save our journalists - this country needs them.

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
Silicon Valley Bachelor

Walking the Walk - Friends Gone Wild!

I like people who talk less and walk more. It's particularly nice when you don't even know they're doing something and then BAM! Done. Like: 'Hey guys, look I just started a new company!' Or, 'Hey guys, I just got a sex change!' Here's to honor some of my friends who are doers and not full of sh*t..... like me. Here's 4 friends who started ish in the last few months:

De'Niel Phipps - One of my best buddies.....well... who is in the state of Ohio, and in the southern Columbus region, and who is black, just co-founded an interactive television show/radio program/website called Auto Smarts 4U. He is also the Executive Producer of the show, which fields questions from viewers and has, so far, featured interviews with Jay Leno, Kenny Wallace, and Jeg Coughlin, Jr. You can find his interactive website by clicking here.

Pat Lightbody - My all-time favorite "nerd friend" started another company in his young, distinguished career called BrowserMob. It has something to do with computers and testing stuff and stuff like that. The subhead on his website says, 'On-demand, low-cost load testing with real browsers.' Now if that kind of sexy subhead doesn't turn you on, I don't know what will. Now if Pat could only truly make it BIG, I have so many embarassing pictures of him that I plan to use to extort cash from him. They have ValleyWag written all over it! You can find his website by clicking here.

Daniel Swartz - Who is in no way affiliated with MerchantCircle, just started a new blog called Mental Distortion. It's 'a blog about something.' Daniel is a chill engineer with sometimes quirky, and sometimes surprisingly thoughtful blog posts. I didn't know he had so much time to think outside of Call of Duty 4! If only Daniel had funneled me more food from the engineering meetings, I might've written nicer things about him. You can find his website here.

Jessica Sanchez - My best female friend in the state of Orlando who is a television journalist just started her own blog. I strongly recommended against her doing this because journalists have to be mindless robots for their stations. You're not allowed to alienate anyone, and typically having an opinion works against you in achieving this goal. With that said, Jessica has some of the funniest, outrageous things to say (next to me). Her eloquent, well-crafted writing SHOULD be enjoyed by all. Writing is beautifully therapeutic. Expressing your God-given right to an opinion is empowering, even moreso after years of journalistic silence. Cheers to you Sanchez, but don't say I didn't warn you when your boss comes cracking down. You can find her blog, And That's News To Me by clicking here.

A lot of people say I ask them a lot of questions and rarely talk about myself. Well, that's because I have such wonderful friends who are all doing such wonderful, creative things. Plus, I like looking at myself more than talking about myself. I truly love hearing about my friends, especially when they're wearing glasses where I can see my reflection. I'm happy that I have friends who are making sh*t happen all over the country. Life is too short to waste your breath just talking about what you want. Go and get it!

Sincerely,

Kevin L.

Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. De'Niel also shot and edited the MerchantCircle company video and made me look halfway-decent. Not an easy thing to do. You can find that video here. I'm not sure what product I'm pitching, but I sound great! 230,000 views and counting!

My Gay Dream That Came True

I strongly detest drama - bad drunks, jealousy, impatience, insecurity - all of these things can lead to my ire (drama-free ire, that is!). You can imagine my disdain this last weekend when I woke up in my bed with a Sheriff's Deputy standing in my doorway telling me to wake up. At first I thought this was a Lt. Jim Dangle impersonator, and then I didn't see him wearing tight shorts. My second thought was, oh this must be a private dancer that would soon be followed by a construction worker, an American Indian, a sailor, a biker (my favorite), and a cowboy.

Apparently, I looked at the clock, saw that it was 6:30 in the morning, looked at the Deputy, gave him the finger, and went back to bed. I remember my initial thoughts, but not the finger. My friend, who was sleeping in the other room was apparently behind the Deputy and informed me the next day of my actions. You see, I had hosted a pre and post-party at my house for my buddy's 30th birthday. During the post-party, one of the "attendee's" psycho girlfriend stormed past me through the garage with fireballs in her eyes. Dramatic-sounding, I know, but I kid you not. I had never seen such evil venom spewing from someone's eyeballs.

She brushed right past me, grabbed her boyfriend by the shoulder blades and neck from behind(who was seriously guilty of nothing) and threw him into the garage. Before I had a chance to pick up my jaw, she had proceeded to slap, kick, and jump him - I'm not all completely sure, because I was busy worrying about whether she had damaged one of the Jack in the Box tacos that was in his hands. Before I could check up on the taco, they had made their way onto the street with her trying to strangle him while hanging on his back. He had to throw her off his back, which he did, but apparently it was not a soft landing on the concrete.

She began screaming in the middle of my street that she was going to call the cops. Over and over she screamed this. At this point, I calmly, and undramatically thought to myself, I have to live here. While I may not know my neighbors, even though we've owned this house since '92, this is still Cupertino - quietest family neighborhood on earth. Rather than jump into this chaotic scene, I just decided to keep saying 'shh, sshhh, shhh' over and over from 25 yards away. I am drunk at this point, but relatively calm. My roommate starts banging on her door to shut us up, because her door is right next to the front door. I am standing next to 4 guys who continue to curse their heads off, surprised at the scene that just developed in front of us. I decide to 'SSHHHHH, SSHHHH' even louder to no avail.

Finally, I usher everyone into the house, where we sit on the couch and talk about the night's events. I used some eloquent words in my account of the events to my drunken friends. They are impressed with my words. I remember this, and think: 'hey, I can form drunken eloquent thoughts every once in awhile.' At this point, I'm pretty sure I grab several blankets, tell my guests of the couch they are sitting on and the spare bedroom. Then I go to my room, get naked, like I normally do before bed, and crawl in - knowing that I will sleep until 2pm, at least, but alas, this was not to happen.

About an hour and a half later, I'm told by my friends, the cops were banging on my back sliding door window saying: 'open the door, or we're going to break it down.' I am not happy learning this the next day at 3pm when I wake up. First of all, I've watched 'Training Day' with Denzel Washington many times, and I'm quite certain cops need a search warrant to break down your door. "King Kong ain't got nothin' on me!" I also learned that there were 5 Deputies in my house. Now c'mon, I know this is Cupertino, and most people commit their crimes in cyberspace, but 5 cops?!??! And I flipped off one of them!

Well, after that infamous flip-off, I remember telling the Deputy about the 'crazy' spectacle I saw earlier. My words were much less eloquent, and I only had basketball shorts on. I'm not sure if I put them on while he was standing there or what.... but I don't really want to know. I went immediately back to bed after this interrogation, only to be awakened once more by another Deputy and giving the same statement. I like sleep so much, that I didn't care that there were cops roaming around my house. I went directly back to bed, and slept well actually. I woke up at 11am to relieve myself, saw one friend sleeping on the couch, the front door wide open, back sliding door wide-open, and the garage door wide open. I closed them all and peacefully slept until 3pm.

When I finally came-to, I was more angry about the all the clumps of dirt those Deputies tracked around my house, than them disturbing my rest. Those stupid boots of theirs retain everything! I had to vacuum and then Swisher my floors for two hours! I would file a complaint, but cops in Cupertino have nothing to do, they would make my life hell.

Oh, and my "party guest" got arrested and spent 2 nights in jail too, but that d*mn dirt - I'll never get over it!!!! Drama = No Friendship. Dirt on Floor = Lifetime Banishment. Gay Dream That Came True = One Too Many Episodes of Reno 911.

Sincerely,

Kevin L.

The Silicon Valley Bachelor