Why West Virginia, Vermont and Rhode Island Don't Read My Blog

Every once in awhile I like to write a post that makes people throw-up in their mouths just a little. 4 out of my last 5 posts have been pretty serious, so it was hard coming up with a topic that would remind people that I'm generally not very well-spoken and shallow. I thought, 'what other topic could showcase this best than a blog post about me!' Do you remember the time when I wrote about how I wanted to be the most famous Kevin Leu out there? I know - ambitious life goals, but I've achieved them.

Recently I've been checking to see how great I am judging by the traffic to my blog. I now get about 2,000 visitors a month to my website! Google has this amazing thing called 'analytics' that tracks what state and country your visitors come from, how long they spend on the site, and whether you're wearing any underwear. Don't go clicking away now! It's too late to be shy around me.... *wink *wink! I too flip my underwear inside out to get maximum wearage! Take a look at the map below:
I've had visitors from 75 countries over the last month baby! I'm an international superstar! .... granted I only had one visitor from Russia, but at least the whole country is shaded in! YESSSS! U.S. is #1 by far, followed by Canadian visits at #2, then the UK, then Australia. Here are some interesting facts:
  1. Australians are either really slow readers, or they really really like reading my blog. They spend an average of 5 minutes 25 second per each visit (compared with 1:36 from US readers).

  2. Turkey produced 12 visitors in the last month, but amazingly they spent an average of 0:00 seconds on my blog. Either they couldn't read english good or my words were too big for them to read! Dumbies!

  3. South Korea is either really good at reading english, or they really like looking at pictures of me (the likely scenario). Their 11 visitors spent an average of 2:12 on my website. Yay South Koreans! If only I could infiltrate North Korea... me and Kim Jong Ill have a lot in common I think.

Now let's move onto the good ol' United States of America. As you can see, the majority of my readers come from California, but there are 3 states that are white! Meaning those residents in those 3 states are ALL ILLITERATE. Hold on one second, while I go look at a map to see what states those are..... West Virginia, Vermont and .... and.... Rhode Island. I think it's Rhode Island, it's like a little spec on the map. Hah hah. What losers! You couldn't get any extra land???! Look at how big California is to your "little" island. "He just a little guy....."

Well, I harbor no ill will to those 3 states. It's obvious the internet has yet to reach them. I am comforted by the fact I have one reader in Cyprus (right next to Syria) that spent 12 minutes on my site looking at 3 different pages. Bless you sweet child. May my voice guide you in times of need and show you the light in moments of darkness. May the 12 minutes you spent reading my words carry you onto eternity...... Because, frankly, you can't get those 12 minutes back, they're mine now and I'm keeping them.

Sincerely,
Kevin L.
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

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3 comments :

  1. kev- you are so much more than your good looks: you are RESOURCEFUL. turning your undies around- genius.

    congrats on the excellent stats!

    ReplyDelete
  2. great. way to blow us all up, kevin. i, too, like to spend 0:00 minutes looking at your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Tonight I'm actually not wearing any underwear - it's exhilarating.

    Don't tell anyone, but I spend 55 minutes reading each one of my blog posts from different locations so that my stats are inflated.

    ReplyDelete

 
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