The Rule of 13

I've left behind a lot of towns in my days, broken a lot of hearts (mostly my own), but for the first time this past weekend, I returned to one of my former haunts. You see, many of the towns I've lived in aren't readily accesible or worthy of a return trip, when say, you can use those same dollars to visit a city with a beach, a beautiful landmark, or a dental plan. Places like Huntsville, TX, Pocatello, ID, and Redding, CA, were once home to me. And this weekend, I got a chance to go back to Redding.

Don't get me wrong, I make the most of every situation and this weekend was no exception. I decided on a whim to head back to Redding after months of delay - I am only 3 1/2 hours away afterall. I thought I was long overdue to visit some old friends, not that they had been clamoring for me to come visit, but I'm sure it was an unspoken sentiment. It was evident when I called people up on my way into town and many of them said, "Kevin Who?"

Anyway, I crashed at my buddy Eric's place, who fortunately doesn't do much and was available for a last minute crashing. We hung out with a couple of his girlfriends, one of whom was a stunner. I would say she was easily an 8. And of course, what do you think her girlfriend was? A 5 - great. I should have known to begin with. You see, I have this theory about hot girls. Their friends are never hot. I believe it has something to do with the jealousy factor. An above-average-looking girl doesn't want to exacerbate the situation and make herself look just average by hanging out with a stunner. Therefore, if you see a hottie - just apply the rule of 13.

If you see a 9, most likely her friend is a 4. A 10? She'll be hanging out with a 3. Why do you think they invented the term 'wingman'? Someone has to jump on the grenade. And that lucky someone is always me. It really doesn't matter anyway, I have what they call "beer goggles". I'm looking into it.

IMG_1055

Fortunately, no grenade diving was necessary. They really were just friends. Take a look at the picture above of Eric's friend Megan - wow. Now take a look at the picture to the bottom right, that's her friend. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mean guy, but we all place number valuations on people and her friend was a 5. That's not factoring in personality and everything like that, because it helps her out, unlike with me. I neighbor in the area of 2.5.

darnit

But see what I mean? 8 + 5 = 13. Don't believe me? Head out and make calculations on your own. The best you can hope for if you're concerned about your wingman, which my friends are not, is a 7 and a 6. Remember, this formula only works if one of the girls is hot or above average. If you don't care about hot, then you'll find some wonderful combinations in Cupertino. Like three 3s and a 4 all hanging out together! Yippee!!!!

Remember this formula is flawless. 60% of the time - it works everytime.

Sincerely,
Kevin Leu
The Silicon Valley Bachelor

P.S. Proving my formula correct was the highlight of my trip, plus I don't remember anything else shortly after those pictures were taken.

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7 comments :

  1. You know, the 5's biggest problem is her hair. Well, that and the fact that she looks like Natalie from The Facts of Life.

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  2. Good call! That use to be my sister's favorite show. I may be weird, but I always liked Jo.

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  3. rofl. She could be a 6.5. I think it's mostly her hair. Besides, the level of maintenance of a girl is inversely related to the hotness scale.

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  4. Kevin your stories and comments are hilarious! Thanks for sharing this. It sure beats killing time in the office.

    Michelle (Sydney)

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  5. Actually, I just realise I hit the wrong button. I'm not really anonymous. The boss came and I panicked!

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  6. Thanks Michelle! I panic all the time for no good reason.

    Right now I'm panicking because you've just informed me I have readers in Australia! Holy schnikes!

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  7. Hey K, thank you so much for providing such useful information to me. After I re-visited this blog 10 times, I finally understand why guys always pick up my friends first whenever we go out.

    3(me) + 10(my friends) = 13

    Finally I found myself useful.

    ^_^

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